


Been Good To Know Ya

by SeveralVerySmallKerrys



Series: Been Good To Know Ya [2]
Category: Cyberpunk 2077 (Video Game)
Genre: Alcohol Abuse, Anal Fingering, Anal Sex, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Blood and Gore, Death, Emotional Hurt, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Emotional Manipulation, Emotional/Psychological Abuse, Established Relationship, Eventual happy end, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Heavy Angst, Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Suicide, Intestines, M/M, Oral Sex, PTSD, Panic Attacks, Self-Harm, Smut, Suicide Attempt, Young Man/Old Man, blowjob
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-03-16
Updated: 2021-03-24
Packaged: 2021-03-24 20:13:47
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 9
Words: 29,534
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/30077700
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SeveralVerySmallKerrys/pseuds/SeveralVerySmallKerrys
Summary: This story takes place after the events of Kintsugi.To read the original work follow this link:https://archiveofourown.org/works/29686098
Relationships: Johnny Silverhand & Kerry Eurodyne, Johnny Silverhand & V, Kerry Eurodyne/Male V, Kerry Eurodyne/V, Rogue Amendiares & Kerry Eurodyne
Series: Been Good To Know Ya [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2212974
Comments: 78
Kudos: 70





	1. Interlude and Summary

** What happened so far **

This is a continuation of [Kintsugi.](https://archiveofourown.org/works/29686098/chapters/72996672) It is not necessary to read it  beforehand, but I would recommend it

After a fight with Kerry V had given up on finding a solution to extract Johnny  Silverhand from his mind. He wanted him to take over his body so he would vanish. His  self-destructive  behavior nearly cost him his life several times.

With the help of his friends and lover, Johnny was able to bring back V’s will to live. As a sacrifice, Takemura and Johnny had to give their life. V was only given 6 months to live by Alt, the A.I. that separated Johnny and V in the cyberspace. 

After 4 months of failed attempts to cure his condition, V was given the opportunity to do one last gig that might save his life. Or kill him for good. He left Kerry at their joined apartment to fly to the orbit, promising his fiancé to return to him once again. 

And Kerry waited. 


	2. Like Every Morning

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “It’s so quiet out here.” 
> 
> “I can imagine babe. Do you want me to sing something for you?” 
> 
> “Yes. Please. Let me hear your voice.” 
> 
> \- June 2077 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's okay to cry.  
> This is more or less an interlude to the story to get you started.  
> It will, of course, include a lot of angst. This is my expertise.

“ _It’s so quiet out here.”_

_“I can imagine babe. Do you want me to sing something for you?”_

_“Yes. Please. Let me hear your voice.”_

_\- June 2077_

___

5 YEARS SINCE V LEFT 

Birds. Did he hear fucking birds? In Night City? What kind of sick joke was this? He turned around, his head pounding from too much work, the late-night session the day before still aching deep in his bones. His fingers hurt as much as his throat. His new manager wanted a new album, but Kerry didn’t want to make one. The songs he had written over the last few months had been ‘too sad’ or had ‘too much meaning to them’. _How the fuck could something_ _have_ _too much meaning?_ He shook his head, trying to get rid of that numbing pain. He threw his sheets up, stretching. Maybe a coffee would help. _Or tequila, depends._ He stretched out an arm, hovering over the other half of the bed, trying to grab the pain killers as he touched the man besides him, jumping up in surprise. The younger man grunted at the sudden jerk besides him, rolling around facing Kerry. 

“You already up?” 

Kerry looked at him, brows furrowed. He slowly sat back at the headboard, moving away from the man. 

“Hello? You okay Kerry?” 

“The fuck you still doing here?” 

“Excuse me?” 

The man sat up. He was probably around 40 years old, something like that. Kerry didn’t remember. And frankly, he didn’t care. 

“One-night stands don’t include breakfast.” 

“I can’t believe this, a one-night stand? That’s what I’m to you?” 

“Fuck yeah, we met two days ago, what do you think you are? My new input? Don’t even know your name.” 

“Charles, asshole.” 

“Sounds like a fucking butlers name. Now get your flat ass out of my house before I call NCPD.” 

The man stood up, screaming profanities at Kerry while putting on his clothes. Kerry just watched him, his mind long forgotten about last night's appallingly bad sex. Charles was tall, a shade taller than V. He had longer hair than V. It was darker than V's. His tattoos were not as well done as V's. His eyes smaller than V's and not as black. He still had both hands, not like V. He was weaker than V. His cybernetics were inferior to V's. His cock was not even remotely as satisfying as V's. He wasn’t V. 

Charles stomped out of the bedroom down the stairs and disappeared outside with a loud slam of the door as he realized he was not being paid any attention. Kerry waited a few more minutes. His eyes glowed blue as he watched the large, golden samurai gate outside through one of the many security cameras. The idiot was finally gone, time to get up. Kerry's body ached. His neck muscles were tense. He didn't even know how long it had been like that. Probably the last 5 years. Relaxation had become a foreign word for him. 

He dragged himself with heavy feet to the bathroom. The mornings were especially bad when he was alone in his mansion. No music, no one already sitting downstairs making breakfast or cleaning his weapons at the table. No one to lie beside him when he woke up. Except today, an exception that should remain just that. He took off his boxers and left them on the floor in front of the shower without paying any attention. His eyes lit up briefly as the water turned on and the radio began to play music. Us Cracks. The girls' new album became a worldwide hit. Kerry had co-written their songs and even made a few guest appearances. Two years ago, he had confided in the girls, telling them that V and he were engaged. The joy of the three didn't last long when Kerry told them directly after the big news what had happened to him. Blue Moon had invited him to dinner afterwards. She was an incredibly empathetic woman and became a good friend of Kerry's over the last few years. Behind her J-Pop facade there was more, and Kerry learned to appreciate that very much. She even told him about that one time V had helped her to get rid of a stalker. It was such a ‘V Story’ that Kerry couldn’t stop smiling throughout. 

He stepped into the shower, it was burning hot, his skin reacting, turning red. He needed it, needed to feel alive somehow. If he had thought that what was hovering over him 5 years ago were scary shadows, then this was just hell itself. He leaned his forehead against the cold marble, closing his eyes. Five years. _Five fucking years._ And V hadn’t returned. Not a single word from him. _He was dead. Gone_ . Kerry had to finally admit and move on. He opened his eyes slowly as a near silent sob escaped his lips. He looked down on himself, saw the necklace V had given him glisten in the neon light that enlightened the shower, hot water dripping off the golden bullet onto the floor. _He had promised to try. Not promised to succeed._ His salty tears falling down, mixing with the water, washed down the drain. He couldn’t share his pain with his friends, he had no family to turn to. It was ridiculous, he had known this kid for what, a few months, before he vanished? It was 5 years already. V had beaten the odds of surviving Johnny, but not of surviving Night City. It was always the ones Kerry loved the most that had to go. His silent crying turned into full on sobbing as he slammed his hand against the wall. He screamed, it fucking hurt so much. Still. Nobody would understand and he didn’t need anyone to understand. He had turned his frustration, his anger and his depression into music, he released two #1 albums in the last 4 years, already on track with the third one. He thought music was his therapy, but it turned more and more into a cage. He used it like a drug, only to get high on the feeling of being in front of a crowd, being cheered on. Not having to think about the lover he lost. The future it had cost him. The shadows that came back. 

He stepped out of the shower, skin burning hot, a painful sensation on his whole body. He took a deep breath and leaned on the sink. The mirror turned itself on. He stared at himself for a second, _like every morning_. He looked barely different from 5 years ago with one significant change. He had grown out his top hair. It was just long enough to be put in a bun, the same way V had always worn his. He brushed his teeth, put on some cream and make-up and made his still wet hair. Disregarding the boxers, he had left on the floor he made his way into the bedroom again. He opened his closet. It was full of clothes, both from him and V. He grabbed the first best shirt in sight and some leather pants. It wasn’t until he was fully dressed that he realized that he was wearing V’s favorite shirt. It was slightly too large but oh so comfortable. I inhaled, hoping to get some of V’s scent from the soft textile. But there was nothing. V’s smell long gone from his mansion. They hadn’t been here in his last 4 months after Mikoshi. And even in his penthouse his presence was still only noticeable because Kerry didn’t touch the stuff V had left lying around before he went into fucking orbit. If it wasn’t for Kerrys memory, V’s existence would have been completely wiped out by now. He occasionally visited Vik and Misty. His fiancé had been their point of focus for about the first year after he was gone, but now their meetings we’re getting scarcer, the discussions barely even touching the topic anymore. They talked about what was going on in the city, Vik’s unbearable clients. Misty read Kerry’s cards, always sighing deeply. It never looked good and Kerry wasn’t keen on changing anything. 

He walked behind the bar to brew himself a coffee. This is where his morning routine really began. He waited for the coffee machine to stop, downing the first cup in one, always burning his throat in the process. Then he would make another coffee. The first one was always just to wake up, the second one for the actual taste. He would open his Holo and search for new messages. Normally the first ones he saw were from his manager. That guy was annoying but far better than Kovachek and way more competent. At least the screaming had stopped. He quickly shot him a message back, letting him know that he’ll be in the studio in an hour. His second coffee had cooled down to an enjoyable temperature. He took a sip before scrolling further down. Us Cracks, something about his tour he didn’t care about. A promo shoot next week. He stopped when he saw V’s face. He was smiling. That picture, Kerry took it the day V asked him to marry him. Probably one of the happiest days of his life. He shuddered. Remembering made his heart hurt, wanting him to burst into tears. He had talked about how they will get married on the beaches of the Philippines. Just the two of them, forever together. As a sick twist of fate, the game that life played, he knew that this wedding would never come to fruition. Another hopeful dream of Kerry suffocated at its core. 

He looked at the date next to V’s picture. The last time he had contact with the man. 2078. About 8 months after he had left for Crystal Palace. The last message that V had send still scared Kerry. He tried not to open it, but as every morning he would. Reading the message all over again. 

_Ker, I don’t know what happened, it_   
_seemed like I was tricked by that_   
_guy from the Afterlife. I was taken_   
_in and I don’t know where I am. Babe._   
_I’m scared. Know that I love you,_   
_right? I will always love you. I am_   
_so sorry. Ker. It’s..._   
_Been Good To Know_ _Ya_ _._

Kerry sighed. He looked through his contacts, stopping at V’s number again. _Like every morning_ . And he would call him. _Like every morning_. 

“Hey babe... so... you remember I told you about that Us Cracks collab right?”. Kerry walked out the kitchen onto his balcony, overlooking Night City. He lit a cigarette while he leaned against the glass railing. “Blue Moon actually had a super cool idea for a new song. Like, a mix of her J-Pop with my guitars and singing. Don’t even know if it’s like an Us Cracks song featuring Kerry Eurodyne or maybe a Kerry Eurodyne song featuring Blue Moon. Kinda got the feeling that she has some bitch fight going on with the other girls.” He dragged deeply on his cigarette, sighing loudly. “Maybe we’ll make a great team. I’ll meet her for dinner in a few days. She asked about you. I told her what happened. Like, you know. How you fucking ghosted me.” Kerry forced a laugh. The _ghosting_ in this case being way too literal. “She whined a lot when I told her that our wedding will be only for the two of us. Wanted to be our flower girl. I mean, she’d look cute. Maybe we should celebrate our wedding in Night City too, with all our friends. 90% of them being _your_ friends, but that’s not the point. I also already picked our suits. Beautiful white for both of us, you are getting a red fly and I a golden one. Don’t say anything, I’m extra”, he chuckled. “Oh V...”, his voice suddenly stern, lower. Overflowing with grief. “I miss you so much. I can’t sleep at night when you’re not here. The pills Vik gave me aren’t doing it for me. It’s not the same without you. Everything is so... empty. Everything I do feels worthless, senseless. Every fucking song...”. He started sobbing. “Every fucking song I wrote is about you. And the only thing I want is for you to listen to them. I want you to come home, fuck, even beaten and bloody of you must, I don’t care. I’d tend to your wounds, as long as you’re... You're next to me. I’m thinking back to Dark Matter. You know, when you said you’d drive the shadows away? You fucking did, I was on a high with you but now... god... the shadows are back V, and I don’t know if I can fight them back for much longer. I don’t know... I just don’t know. It’s all been so senseless without you. I just don’t want to continue anymore... I love you so much V. And I miss you even more. Please come home.” 

He hung up the holo, crying, his head on the railing. _Like every morning._ _Five fucking years,_ _Eurodyne_ _get over yourself._ His chest hurt, the sun shining in his face as he looked up again, illuminating his golden cybernetics. He looked like a painting. A tragic one, too beautiful to be stored in the cellar, too precious to be hung in a room. He had built himself a prison of glass from where he watched the world carefully, letting nobody in, nobody near. Nobody see how the man that filled arenas at night cried himself to sleep on days off. He stretched and leaned back. He needed to leave for the studio, record a song that he hadn’t written, that he didn’t like. But before that he would get himself a drink. He stalked back inside, heading directly for the bar. There was a bunch of used glasses on the counter. He just grabbed one and poured tequila to the brim. He needed this. _Like every morning._ He threw his head back in disgust as he gulped it down in one. He started to fucking hate Tequila. It was his and V’s favorite drink and now it was just bitter medicine for his psyche. He was already on his 3 rd synthetic liver since he had left. Thank god he was rich, he couldn’t live like this if it wasn’t for all the money people were pushing up his ass. He set the glass aside, shaking slightly before looking at the clock again. His fingers still aching from playing too much. He looked around the foyer, tapping his temple slightly as a migraine was starting to build. He searched for some pain killers in his pocket, popping two of them at once. Vik had warned him to not overdose on them, but what was the worst that could happen? That he’d die? Kerry just laughed at the thought. If anything that would finally free him from his mental prison. It was nice to know that they _kind of_ cared for him, but the longer their friendship lasted the more it felt like an obligation. A promise made to V that they would look after Kerry so that he wouldn’t do something stupid. At least he found peace in the thought that V still looked after him, even after... he shook his head. No way in hell would Kerry even think about the fact that V was maybe floating out somewhere in space. Dead. Frozen. Whatever happened to someone who was blown out into the vast greatness that was the universe. Fucking big piece of nothingness. 

His Holo rang. His manager tried calling him. Kerry didn’t answer, he would argue with him when he was at the studio, he was still too exhausted. He took his guitar case, looked around one last time, standing in the arch of the front door. 

“See you tonight babe”, he whispered as he stepped outside. _Like every morning._

He walked over to V’s quadra. He had found a liking for this vehicle. He never really drove in it, neither with V nor by himself but for the last few weeks he kinda ditched the Aerondight in favor of it more often. Maybe it just made him feel more at home. And so he entered the front seat and started the motor. 

And he would drive out to the label. _Like every morning._ And he would listen to the radio talking about all the hot shit going on in Night City, where nobody cared that anyone had died. _Like every morning._ He would enter the recording booth and would sing songs about his lost love. _Like every morning._ He would argue with his management and producer that he needed to get back into his rockerboy persona to sell even more albums. _Like every morning._ He would just pretend that he would start the day right, that he would come home in the evening, food on the table, fiancé on the couch, eagerly awaiting him. _Like every morning._ He would just pretend that everything was just a-okay. 

_Like every morning._


	3. A Loud Bang

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Happy Birthday Major Tom.”   
> “Wish you were here. It’s lonely without you.”   
> “Will be waiting for my astronaut to come back around.” 
> 
> \- August 2077 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There's a suprise at the end for all of you <3
> 
> I'm sorry for all the Angst, it's just a really hard time for all of them.  
> Will it get better? Maybe

“ _Happy Birthday Major Tom.”_

_“Wish you were here. It’s lonely without you.”_

_“Will be waiting for my astronaut to come back around.”_

_\- August 2077_

_____

The first time Kerry had thought about killing himself was about 7 years ago. He was alone at home, his mansion in North Oaks. He had just been in a huge fight with his input. Ex-input actually. The two had separated few weeks prior. Once again a man was only interested in Kerry solely for his money and fame. Kerry, being still way too good hearted and naïve, had let the man inside his home, inside his heart. He didn’t love him though, he realized that later on. He loved the feeling of being wanted. In all the time he had been alive he had countless relationships, one night stands, liaison’s. But he never truly loved one of them, not even his ex-wife. Just a stupid relationship that ended in much more drama than he needed. Looking back at it now not one of them had wanted him. None, except for one single person. Johnny Silverhand. And Johnny hadn’t wanted him for love, not the way Kerry once wanted Johnny. He wanted Kerry for fame, for the voice the young Filipino had to offer, the skills with his axe. To scream his -no Johnny’s- message into the world. In the end even Johnny only wanted him for fame. 

When Kerry came to this realization, the evening after the huge fight with his ex, he was feeling desperate. Like sinking into a deep, deep hole filled with loneliness and fear. Consuming his whole body. At least death wanted him. He waited for the sun to set. He threw on his most prestigious clothes, something he once wore for a gala, put on fresh make up, did his hair nicely and poured himself a glass of the finest whisky he had at home. He shuffled through his closet and got Archangel. A shot in the head, simple. Couldn’t miss. Or maybe directly into his heart? The screamsheets would be filled with headlines about him. “Kerry Eurodyne: Tragic death in his mansion”. “Kerry Eurodyne found dead.” “Kerry-“. He forcefully stopped his train of thought. In the head would be more efficient but an ugly sight. His face would be pretty much done for. In his heart on the other hand may seem too dramatic. He didn't want an ex to claim that they were the reason that Kerry killed himself and then cash on it. Maybe he should write a small note, something at least. He walked into the bedroom and grabbed his notepad. Writing a suicide note was significantly harder than writing a song. Maybe he shouldn’t write one after all, leave all the mystery solving to the NCPD and create a wave of gossip. He lay down the notepad and stalked back to the living room downstairs. He would do it on the couch. The red blood stains would make it look like an abstract art piece; his broken body stretched out on the leather in a pool of crimson. He could quite literally picture it. Some sneaky NCPD cop would take a picture and sell it for good money. He would be the talk of the town for weeks on end. Yes, he would blow his brains out right there, on the couch. And he should stop thinking about the how and when and where and just do it before he decided otherwise. Kerry drank a last sip from his whisky and sat down on the couch. He got comfortable, leaning back, Archangel in hand. Slowly he undid the safety. His hands were getting sweaty. _Fuck, hope I don’t lose grip and accidentally shoot of my jaw._ He sighed deeply, observing the beautiful gold and silver pistol in his hand. It was the same model as Johnny’s Malorian Arms. Kerry had unconsciously decided to make it gold and silver, a coincidence he thought at the time but now… this pistol resembled how intermingled he and Johnny were, the silver obviously standing for Silverhand and the gold… it was useless. Kerry knew Johnny had always been a burden in his life and still he couldn’t let go. He didn’t even get the chance to say goodbye. Johnny took everything from him, even that. He sighed again. His last thoughts on earth shouldn’t revolve around a man 50 years dead already. It was right down hilarious how Kerry was still devoted to someone who treated him like shit. He shook his head, placing the cold weapon at his temple, closing his eyes. He lay his finger on the trigger. _Just do it_ _Eurodyne_ _,_ he heard Johnny saying in his mind. _Just pull the trigger coward._ Just as he was about to blow out his own brains, he was tackled down by someone. Security had seen him through the big ass windows. Kerry had forgotten about them, _fuck_. He was laying under that big dude who was holding him down, outright strangling him. 

“Get the fuck off me!”, Kerry screamed, to no avail. The security guard didn’t move. Kerry tried to hit him, scratch him, but he didn’t even flinch. He pressed the rockerboys face on the ground, opening his Holo. 

“Hello, Sir. Yes, this is Head of Security at the Eurodyne mansion. There was a small incident. No, the client is fine. I think it would be good if you came here." 

"Who are you calling, you asshole?" 

"Mr. Kovachek. He's on his way here." 

Kerry groaned. Kovachek, that was what he needed right now. He had given up fighting the mountain of flesh. Kerry was simply too weak; he had surrendered to the fate of lying there and waiting for the telling off of his life. 

It took about 15 minutes for Kovachek to arrive. Kerry meanwhile was sitting on the couch, at least that. His hands were cuffed, a little too tight to make it comfortable. The ropes of the monowire cut into his flesh until it started to bleed. 

Kovachek sat down across from him. Black suit, hair gelled back. He looked like he always looked: like he was exploiting innocent people. Actually, he did, and today would show just how bad this man really was. 

"Is it true?" the man said, his tone almost mocking. 

"Is what true?", Kerry snarled back. He didn't feel like talking to him. He never did. 

"You tried to kill yourself, Kerry." 

Kovachek looked concerned, for a second. Kerry knew the man well enough to know he was faking it. 

"I just had my gun in my hand, nothing unusual in Night City, right?" 

"I saw the footage your bodyguard sent me. You had the barrel to your temple Kerry. Definite pictures." 

Kerry sighed. There was no point arguing against it, he knew better anyway. 

"That's good," Kovachek said dryly. 

Kerry looked at him, horrified. Or rather disappointed? _That was good? What did he mean, 'that was good'?_

"Now I finally have a credible story to get you back in the spotlight. 'Kerry Eurodyne - veteran rocker plagued by depression.' The Screamsheets will go nuts." 

"You can’t be serious. Kovachek, I tried to kill myself!" 

Kerry's voice nearly broke from him. He was hurt, he knew his manager was just out for profit, but this? He was going to make a top story out of what was probably the worst day in his entire life? 

"So, you admit it. Perfect. That makes it even more authentic. I'll get NC Bulletin right on it. Headlines, first thing tomorrow. We're back in business babe." 

Kerry was speechless. It wasn't just that no one wanted him.... no... no one even cared if he was alive at all. Kovachek would profit even from his death. He was lucky Kerry hadn't made it, so he could continue milking his golden cow. 

"I think I should see a psychologist-" 

"No!" grunted Kovachek. "Not a psychologist. We can't have that. No one cares that you're seeking help. We need the broken Kerry, the desperate VIP. That's what people can relate to. I'll get right on it. You get back to your album. And you," Kovachek pointed at the bodyguard. "Stay with him the whole time. Or assign one of your men. I can't risk him trying it again." 

Before Kerry could protest, Kovachek stood up, nodded at him, and quickly disappeared from his mansion. Kerry bowed his head. _No one_ . There was no one in his life who wanted him because he was _Kerry_ and not the rocker boy of the century. The bodyguard undid his shackles and stowed Archangel safely in one of the saves. Kerry burst into tears and pressed his face into his hands. _No one wanted him_. 

After his first attempt, Kerry dismissed all his bodyguards and replaced them with robots. In front of Kovachek, he could justify his actions with price savings. To himself, that no one could stop him on the second attempt. 

*** 

The second time Kerry tried to kill himself was in early 2077. Around February actually. It was a hot day, nothing unusual in Night City. It was actually pretty hot all year round. In the last century, climate change had the whole world firmly in its grip. NUSA was also affected, probably most of all. Floods, unbelievable hurricanes, and the always torturous heat. The Badlands were once green forests and thriving cities. California had changed a lot. The only really habitable city being Night City, around it a desolate, dry and dusty desert. It stretched across Nevada and Utah to Colorado. Denver was the next best city where one might settle. But if one was honest, it was generally hardly worthwhile in the middle or southern hemisphere of the country. So, most people pushed on to Night City. Not that the chances of surviving here were really any higher. There was just less sand on the roads. 

Kerry had a studio session that day, as he did every day, really. And just like every day for months, he decided to just ignore the appointment. Just like the annoyed calls from Kovachek. He looked in the bathroom mirror. He was naked, tired. Overworked even though he hadn't done anything for weeks. Depression was eating him up from the inside. He couldn't sleep, yet that was what he needed most urgently. He hadn't eaten properly for days, he just couldn't bring himself to do it. He ordered pizza, Thai, the first best thing he was offered, ate half and left the other half to rot. Some days he just spent in bed, watching some series without ever really paying attention or staring out for hours. He no longer wondered at all what it would be like to walk the streets of the city. He didn't even miss it anymore. He had become numb, all his feelings deeply closed. Everything had become too heavy for him. While looking in the mirror like that, he wondered when the last time was, he took a shower. His hair was unstyled, greasy. His makeup was runny. He groaned. The Screamsheets wrote about him, the most beautiful, most famous rocker boy in the world. What he just saw in the mirror was not even a shadow of it. It was a caricature, a bad one at that. He looked back at Archangel, his eyes lit up briefly and the shower turned on with a loud hiss. The steam of the hot water filled the room. _I dare you_ _Eurodyne_ _. This time no one will stop you._ He took a deep breath and stepped into the shower. He knew he should do it here. The blood would just be washed away. The door was locked, maybe it would take days before someone found him. The first time, he had worried about his reputation, whether someone like Kovachek or an ex could profit from his death. There was no ex this time, and Kovachek would make money out of anything Kerry tagged. So it didn't matter now. His hand reached for Archangel when he suddenly startled. His guitar, _did he hear someone playing? Fuck, what did that mean?_ He jumped out of the shower again, looking for his briefs and his bathrobe. He briefly looked in the mirror, he was vain, even at such a moment. With a few deft movements, he applied the makeup to his eyes and stroked back his hair. Whoever was in his house should not see what he was about to do. He grabbed his gun, opened the door and stepped out. He couldn't believe his eyes: next to his instruments, on the bench, sat a young man, maybe in his mid or late 20's. Beautiful. Tall. As if he had been Photoshopped there. He played the guitar. A Samurai song. Kerry pointed the gun at him. 

"What the fuck are you doing?!" 

The man looked up and grinned. An oh so familiar grin. Kerry couldn't believe it. The chords, the posture, the fucking grin. 

"Johnny?!" 

He was saved again. A second time. This wasn't fucking happening. 

*** 

This was the third time Kerry was trying to kill himself. Summer of 2082. And the first time without Archangel. His fiancé had kept the gun, so he had opted for a cheaper model from some random gun shop in Watson. He was sitting on the floor of the Columbarium, in front of one of the shrines. He read the sign above him. 

_V – Dreamer. Friend. Lover._

It took Kerry about 3 years until he bought one and actually placed some of V’s stuff in there. He had thought about putting the necklace with the bullet into the shrine, but he couldn’t even bare to take it off. It meant way too much to him. So, he went for some rings V had always worn, one of his favorite shirts, but not his _favorite_ shirt. The one Kerry was wearing at the moment . A picture of the two of them and a picture of V and Jackie. He knew how much V had loved his best friend, he wanted them to be together as well. He was sure he would’ve liked Jackie. He hoped that his shrine would be placed next to V’s. At least then they would be together. He had asked Rogue to make sure that, _if_ something would happen to Kerry that he would be put there. She just nodded, cold demeanor as ever. At least he trusted her and knew that she would keep her word. 

His eyes lit up briefly as he opened the Holo. He shot Rogue a message to take care of everything. No further explanation. He scrolled through his contacts until he stopped at V. There it was again, that photo of their engagement. He was smiling so brightly, the sun shining in his face. He hated Kerry for taking a picture, but he looked so happy that day. Kerry's heart melted again at the sight. He sighed loudly before calling him. 

“Hey V, me again. I know, I know I just called you a few hours ago but I kinda miss you, y’know. I wasn’t feeling it today, driving to the studio I mean. Took a day off to visit you.” He swirled the gun in his hand. “I actually hate your new place. I’ve never said it, didn’t want to make you sad, but...”. He looked around. “It’s just not you, you know? It’s so grey and monotone. In your old apartment you had posters everywhere. Even one of me. I’ve seen how you blushed when you tried to hide it from me. I think it was kinda cute, honestly. I liked your apartment in Watson, we should’ve stayed there more often. I also like the penthouse a lot. Maybe... you could move back in there, huh? Everything's better than this shithole here. A Columbarium of all places.” 

___ 

Rogue had read Kerry’s message. All her alarm bells ran at the same time. _Fuck_ , she hadn’t looked after him the last few weeks, to busy managing the Afterlife. She had to find him quick before he did something stupid. She jumped up in the middle of a meeting, apologizing profoundly. _This fucking asshole was going to kill himself. V would never forgive me._ She ran out of the Afterlife and jumped into her car. She had to track him down as fast as possible. 

___ 

“I honestly don’t think I’ll release the next album V. It just doesn’t sit right with me. All the songs on there have been absolutely butchered by my management. I wanted to make it about you, about us... but they wanted it to be about some corpo shit and how I hate everything and... damn. I _do_ hate everything, but not the way they want me to... I just... V, I don’t think I can do this anymore. I’ve been around for so long, maybe this isn’t my time anymore. Maybe I’m just used up.” Tears started dwelling in his eyes. He closed them as the hot water dropped down to the floor. “I have no reason to go on. There is no one waiting for me at home. There is no one who cares about me the way you cared about me. People will write shit like ‘Kerry Eurodyne – Did he kill himself for fame?’. Nobody even knows about you and it destroys me V. How can I grief when I am not allowed to talk about you, sing about you? How could you crash into my life and make everything perfect just to... just to leave me again. God V, I miss you so fucking much.” 

___ 

Kerry’s sobbing echoed through the Columbarium. Rogue had suspected him to be here, he would always come here if he was feeling especially lonely. She just needed to find him and bring him home. V’s box was deep inside the open building. Kerry wanted it this way so he could suffer in silence. Nobody would find him there. She ran, following the silent screams that filled the halls. 

___ 

“I’m so sorry V. I am weak. I always have been weak. Johnny was right. Kovachek was right. Everyone in my life who told me I just wasn’t fit for this was right. I know I promised but... I can’t keep it. And I am so, so sorry V. I love you so much.” 

He lifted the gun to his temple and closed his eyes. He grabbed V’s necklace in his other hand, giving it a silent kiss. 

“I’ll be with you in a minute. Finally.” 

Rogue saw him, screamed for him to stop. Frozen, everything around her stopped at once. This couldn’t be. Had she failed? The only thing now sounding through the premise was a bang. 

A loud bang. 

***

I sketched the picture of V Kerry was always looking at for you <3


	4. He Was Dead

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Vidan.”   
> “What is it babe?”   
> “That’s my name. It means ‘life’”   
> “It’s beautiful.” 
> 
> \- July 2077

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Call me speedster. I don't know how but the next chapter is already out <3

“ _ Vidan.” _

_ “What is it babe?” _

_ “That’s my name. It means ‘life’” _

_ “It’s beautiful.” _

_ \- July 2077 _

_ ___ _

“Is he stable?”

“The pulse is strong and regular.”

“It seems his Holo has received another call again.”

“Is he reacting to the injection?”

“The scans show activity in his  long-term memory.”

“Wait, he seems to get nervous.”

“Nervous, what do you mean?”

“His pulse. It’s getting faster. He’s having a panic attack.”

“Inject some stabilizers. This is the first body that does not reject him right away. We need to keep him at a low rate for now.”

“Ma’am, it seems like he said something.”

“He said  something? Speak up, what did you say?”

“... _ Ker...” _

_ “ _ Ker? What does that mean?”

“I have no idea. We need to put him back to sleep. We can’t risk another body.”

_ “...Kerry...” _

_ “ _ Is he talking about Kerry  Eurodyne ? What is it with this boy? Finally waking up and the first thing he thinks about is some old rocker?”

“Yush, just put him back to sleep while we run another set of scans. Maybe somethings wrong with the memory system.”

“He should be gone any minute now.”

“... _ Ker _ ...” 

***

V felt groggy. His whole body was numb. He tried to open his eyes, but something prevented him from doing so. It felt surreal. Everything around him felt like a strange, never-ending nightmare. It was pitch black. He couldn’t hear anything. He couldn’t scream. He couldn’t move. His breathing getting racked. He was a prisoner in his own body.  _ God, if this is what death feels like he should’ve gone with Alt.  _ As he was slowly drifting away again, his hearing came back. Slow, painfully slow. He could hear beeping, people talking. He didn’t understand a word, but there had to be someone. Something. He tried to move again, to no avail. It was like his body wasn’t obeying him at all. He felt a sting on his arm, a needly piercing into his flesh. He wanted to  flinch but nothing happened. The noises got louder, the talking  clearer .

“I think we got him.”

“The procedure finally worked.”

“Hey young man, can you hear us?”

No reaction from V. He wanted to scream “ _ Yes, I can hear you! Help me, please!”  _ but nothing. Not even a nod. He couldn’t do anything except for praying to whatever god was out there. Another sting, another needle. Burning fluid running up his arm, through the veins of his shoulder, burning down his lung. He took a deep breath, it felt like he was on fire.  _ Where was he? Where was Kerry? Did it work? What had happened?  _

He slowly opened his eyes, the white, clear light stinging.  _ Maybe he was already dead. _

“He is awake.”

V searched the room. It was all white, full of machines. The beeping hadn’t stopped. He still couldn’t move his arms. He didn’t know where he was, but instead of panic he felt... relief. 

"The tranquilizers seem to be working. V, can you hear me?"

A woman in a tight white suit waved a flashlight in front of his eyes. He hissed. 

"Say something, can you hear me?"

V nodded cautiously, not having found his voice yet. 

"Well, it's something, at least. You should be able to talk soon, too. Are you in pain?"

V shook his head. A lie, but he wouldn't stand another shot. He tried to move his arms, but nothing happened.

"It will take a few hours for your body to respond to your commands." 

V looked back at the woman. He didn't understand what was happening here, where he was, who she was, what they had done to him. He just wanted to get home, to Kerry. He was afraid. Very afraid. 

"Kerry...", he breathed. 

The woman looked at him again. She didn't seem surprised by the name, even though her brows drew together. 

"We can help you V. You need to rest and acclimate first. Do you like Kerry Eurodyne? Was that what you said earlier?"

"Yes," he whispered. He'd do anything to see his fiancé again. And he still didn't understand what was oing on here.

"I will bring you music, as well as something to eat and drink. The feeling in your limbs should be back soon. Please don't strain yourself, this body is still new."

V tilted his head.  _ This body was new? What did she mean by that?  _ He looked down at himself cautiously. His gold arm, his tattoos, his golden shoulder, everything was there except... except his scars. Where were his scars? The cuts from the job he had two days before he flew to Crystal Palace. A nervousness ran through him, he looked at the woman, who only smiled. She turned on her heels and disappeared out through a white, shiny door. V's eyes had by now adjusted to the piercing light from the neon tubes above him. The whole room was white and sterile. No windows. No furniture except the bed he was lying in, a chair and a small side table. He didn't know where he was, he had never seen anything like it. He didn't know how much time had passed before the woman came back.  Finally he could see her better. She had straight black hair, pulled back into a tight bun. Her eyes were high quality  Kiroshi Optics. He tried to scan her, but the system blocked him. High Security. On her hands and neck, she had discreet gold cybernetics. Probably just for embellishment and not serving any higher purpose. She was of Asian descent. Not Filipino though, that was for sure. A friendly smile on her lips as she placed a glass of water and a plate of synthetic food on the side table. Her eyes lit up briefly and music began to play through speakers on the ceiling. V took a deep breath. A ballad, something quiet. It was indeed beautiful and soothing. 

"Can you move your fingers V?"

V looked down at himself and clenched his hand into a fist. 

"Very nice. I'm going to untie you now so you can eat and drink. You can't leave this room, unfortunately, but you can always talk to us. If you need anything, all you have to do is say so. We have eyes and ears open for you."

Her presence was creepy, uncomfortable. There was something false about her aura, as if she were a mediocre actress. She slowly opened the handcuffs that bound V to the bed. He hadn't even noticed them before. The sensory overload of the new environment had completely paralyzed him. She smiled at him again, but before V could say anything, she had already disappeared. V shook his head. He sat up, letting his legs dangle from the bed. Something felt wrong.  _ What did she mean by new  _ _ body? _ He carefully took the glass of water, shaking a little as if he hadn't moved in ages. He drank a sip and listened to the music. It was Kerry. His Kerry. But the song... V knitted his eyebrows together. He didn't know the song. Why didn't he know the song, Kerry had always played every new piece for him before he went into the studio.  _ It couldn't be. _ He listened to the lyrics, a bad feeling spreading in his stomach.

_Been good to know_ _ya_   
_Is what you said_   
_And I’m still rolling_   
_Through our bed_   
  
_Been good to know_ _ya_   
_Is what you wrote_   
_And I’m still clinging_   
_To that hope_

 _To take you back_   
_In my arms_   
_In my home and in my heart_

 _To have you near me_   
_By my side_   
_To have our love and_ _lives_ _collide_

V had to put the glass aside. He couldn't help but sob.  _ Been good to know  _ _ ya _ _. _ He remembered now; he wrote that to Kerry when he was taken in by someone. His memory just fragments of what had happened. He didn’t know how long it had been since that message but the fact that Kerry had made a song out of it...  _ fuck. How long was he gone? _ He looked around frantically but there was no clock, nothing that indicated a date or time. This weird woman told him he could just ask for anything and they would listen. Maybe she could answer him that. 

“Excuse me?”, V asked, his voice still sore. His tone sounded sheepishly, shily even. 

“Yes V”. The sound of the womans voice echoing through the room, overshadowing his fiancés beautiful singing. 

“Could you...  umm.. Tell me the date?”

“Of course. It’s August the first.”

_ My birthday _ thought V. 

“Year?”

There was a pause on the other side. V didn’t know if he liked it. 

“I would refrain from telling you for now.”

_ What the fuck.  _ V was getting nervous.  _ Why  _ _ would _ _ she  _ _ say _ _ something like that? _ His hands gripped the edge of the bed, his knuckles turning white. 

“Could you... could you just tell me. Please.”

The woman sighed. 

“Yes of course V. It’s August the first, 2082.”

V turned white the instant he heard the number.  _ 2082? How was that possible? He was gone for five fucking years?! _

“V, you need to keep calm to not strain your new body, okay? I know it is hard. It took us nearly 5 years to get you back.”

“Five years? What... what happened? Where am I, what did you do to me?”

“Please stay calm. You need to eat and rest. I will see you in the evening and explain everything to you.”

V’s heart was beating fast, if he didn’t know  better, he would say he was having a panic attack. But that frightening feeling of his chest tightening never came. He was just nervous. Nervous because he didn't know what was going on. Nervous because he didn’t know what happened to Kerry. If he was okay. If he was alive. He was still waiting, or... 

“Excuse me again.”

“Yes, V.”

“Could you... could you tell me about Kerry Eurodyne?”

“What exactly do you want to k now ?”

“Like... umm... does he still live in North Oak? Has he released anything new the five years I was gone? Does he have... a partner?”

“Mr.  Eurodyne resides in his mansion in North Oak. He has published two #1 albums within the last 4 years. He is currently working on a new one. Mr.  Eurodyne does not have an official partner as far as I am concerned.”

V gulped.  _ Okay, so Kerry was still alive. That’s good.  _ He would not be able to bear it if something happened to him. Or if he had done something to himself. And the fact that he didn't have an official partner didn't have to mean anything. The thing with him and V was not official, Kerry put a lot of value on privacy. V was unsure what to do with this information, whether he thought it would be good or bad if Kerry had a new boyfriend. On the one hand, it would mean that if V came back, he would be alone. On the other hand, Kerry could be happy and have moved on. And Kerry being happy was the most important thing for V, whether he was the cause of it or someone else. It was crazy, they had only been together for half a year and the first thing V thought about after he woke up was Kerry. 

"Do you have any more questions V?"

"Um... no, thanks. I think that's all for now."

"Of course. I'll be with you in a few hours to explain everything."

V just nodded. He was sure the woman could see him. This room had to be equipped with cameras and microphones. He took a deep breath and listened to Kerry's soothing voice. The whole album consisted only of ballads, one more beautiful than the other. All stories that V knew. Or songs that called to V. He heard the pain in Kerry's voice, the sadness. And a lump of guilt formed inside V. Maybe he shouldn't have left, should have endured the last two months with Kerry. They could have said a proper goodbye, Kerry could have buried him. A goodbye that could have given Kerry closure. Instead, V was now... Somewhere. Kerry was alone, albeit alive. He could only hope he could get home. Somehow. 

With difficulty, V ate the food that was put out for him. He wasn't hungry, but he felt he had better eat something. The overall mood told him that whatever he would learn tonight would not be easy to cope with. And  so, he ate dutifully, drank his water and lay down again. There was nothing to do in this lonely, sterile room. Except to wait. 

***

V had  snuggled into the blanket. It had become cold, or at least it seemed so to him. His eyes were closed, he himself half dozing, when suddenly the door to his room opened. The woman from a few hours ago came strutting in, her high heels echoing through the room. She was small and petite, but still seemed very present. Dangerous. V opened his eyes and looked at her. His hackles stood up as if he were a wild animal, cornered. He reached for the blanket, but the woman raised her hand. 

"I'm not going to hurt you. Sit up V and we'll talk."

The woman pulled a chair towards her and sat down. She had a folder in her hand on which a tablet was lying. She pulled a pen from her smock pocket and opened a Notepad app. V sat up carefully. He folded his blanket on his lap, laying his hands on top. The elevation of the bed and his general stature made V appear comically taller than the woman. 

"Name?"

"V."

"Full name."

_ What game was the woman playing. _ V looked around for a moment.

"You're not getting out of here V. If you answer these few questions for me, we'll get through this faster and then I'll answer anything you want to know."

V groaned. He knew he had no choice. 

"Vidan. Vidan Morales."

"Birthplace."

"Do I have to?"

"Birthplace," she pressed.

V groaned.

"San Juan. Puerto Rico. Caribbean. Ma'am, I don't know-"

"Parents?"

"You want to know my parents' names?"

"Parents. V, the sooner we get this-"

"Yeah yeah, I get it, the sooner I answer your questions, the sooner you answer mine."

"Right. So, parents?"

"Mariana-Valentina Morales, née Sanchez. And Santiago Morales."

The woman nodded and took note of everything.

"Occupation?"

"Um... mercenary? I owned the Afterlife in Night City. Fixer, then, rather."

"Any family members still alive?"

"My parents are still alive. I think. At least still in 2077, in San Juan. We have no contact only-"

"I'll just write down no."

"Partners?"

V hesitated. Should he bring Kerry into this?

"No."

"Are you sure?"

"Even if I am, after five years away, I'm not anyway."

"And who was it in 2077?"

V swallowed.  _ Fuck, they'd probably find out somehow anyway. _ He felt like he'd seen this woman before, but he couldn't place her.

"A... A boyfriend. Fiancé. Kerry Eurodyne."

The woman looked at him, curiosity in her gaze. 

"That's why you wanted to know how he was doing."

"Yes I... I think after five years I'm sure he'll have someone else. I just wanted to... so..."

"You just wanted to know if he was okay. I get it."

The woman seemed sympathetic, but something was wrong with her. Her sympathy seemed so fake. Phony. 

"Thank you, that's it from my side."

The questions seemed so random. If he had already been here for 5 years, why did they have to ask such a thing? Surely there were ways to find out. Of course, he had kept his relationship with Kerry at the highest level of secrecy, but everything  else. He shook his head in puzzlement. 

"Do you have any questions V?"

"Yes... Some."

"Then ask."

"Where am I?"

"You're at Arasaka HQ in Night City."

V faltered, his shoulders sinking slowly.  _ Night City?  _ _ Arasaka _ _? That didn't make any sense.  _

"How did I get here?"

"You were arrested by Arasaka Security."

"No, that's not true."

The woman smiled. She knew herself that she had just lied. 

"You caught me V. One of our men brought you here. You probably knew him by his alias 'Mr. Blue Eyes'."

_ That bastard. _ That was the guy who had set him up with the job at Crystal Palace. Kerry and Rogue had warned him that he couldn't be trusted. But V was desperate; all he wanted was to live. And be with Kerry. 

"He brought you here after your successful heist. You were delirious for a long time. We gave you shelter here until you died from the effects of the Relic."

V remembered darkly. He had been home, he thought. He had sent messages to Kerry. 

"No, I was... I remember my apartment."

"A dummy, from Arasaka, To keep you in a familiar environment while we watched you. You had contact with one person at the time. We didn't monitor who it was though, the privacy we left you. From your responses just now, however, I infer that it was Mr. Kerry Eurodyne."

V nodded slowly. He wasn't sure he could trust his brain anymore. 

"You lived longer than we expected. A full eight months after the Heist, you died."

_ 8 months. _ He could have had another eight months with Kerry. 8 months that he had just thrown away. 

"And I died? Because my brain..."

"That's correct. You died and we took out the chip with your engram."

“Why have you waited so long? Why didn’t you just... you know. Unplugged me and extracted the chip?”

“We were afraid of damaging it more. A natural death was easier on the cyberware.”

V took a deep breath. This was all too much for him, he didn't understand what was happening. If he had died like Alt had said, why was he sitting here? Didn't he look and talk like five years had just passed?

"You must be wondering how this all came about, you sitting in front of me talking to me. Well V, thanks to you and your stubbornness, we finally had the perfect test subject. The body you're in is fully synthetic. Except for the brain."

"The brain? But how?"

"We took the brain from a dead human. Your engram basically did the same thing as Johnny  Silverhand's engram. The nanites repaired the dead brain and took it over. It took us years to finally figure out a way to connect the brain's synapses to a synthetic body. You died countless times V, sometimes in great pain. But your sacrifices have brought us one step closer to infinite life."

V began to remember. Oh god, the pain. A flood of memories overwhelmed him. He grabbed his chest in panic and wrenched his eyes open. Fuck, he had become a guinea pig of  Arasaka .  _ Johnny would kill him. _ He remembered his deaths, dozens, hundreds. 

"You have a panic attack V. I'm going to put you back to sleep. Processing information like that isn't easy, and we need to go easy on your new brain."

"No, no!" shouted V, but it was useless. The woman had already put a syringe in his arm. He felt himself getting sick, dizzy. And then tired. He fell to the side on the bed, everything around him went black. He only heard the clacking of his shoes when the woman left his room. V was trapped in  Arasaka . As a lab rat. And if this body, this brain, would reject him again, he would die again. Just like the hundreds of times before. 

***

V rolled around in his bed. Sweat dripping from his forehead onto the sheets, the cushion already drenched. He heard Kerry’s voice. He was talking to him. 

“I know I promised but... I can’t keep it. And I am so, so sorry V. I love you so much.”

_ No! No Kerry, stop it! _ V wanted to scream but nothing helped. Kerry didn’t hear him. He was sobbing, crying, wanting Kerry to stop with whatever he was doing.  _ Kerry please, I need you!  _ Nothing. The  rockerboy didn’t hear him. 

“I’ll be with you in a minute. Finally.”

A loud bang. 

V jumped up. It had been a nightmare. The worst one yet. He had many dreams of Kerry talking to him. Telling him about his day, about his new album, about the Us Cracks girls. About their wedding and the white suits. He remembered them so vividly and not at all. 

The woman was standing next to him. 

“Hello V.”

V startled. He turned around slowly, looking at her. 

“I’m... I’m sorry”, V mumbled. “Just a bad dream.”

“Oh. Oh no, that was no dream. You just received a call from your Holo.”

“I... what?”

“You’ve had countless intermissions over the last 5 years. We haven’t deleted your Holo, we just cut your ability to answer it. You still receive and can listen to calls directed to you. Part of our experiment was to see if we can transfer all the data stored in the cyberware as well as your personality construct. It seemed like we were successful in that.”

V looked at her, confused. If all the time he had heard  Kerrys voice hadn’t  actually been dreams but calls from him. If what the woman said wasn't a lie, then... _ god. No. That couldn’t be true. _ Then Kerry... 

Tears streamed down V’s face as he realized what just happened. The woman had to be lying. Otherwise... Kerry would be... he... 

He was dead.

***

It's okay to cry


	5. V's Legacy

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> „The stars tonight remind me of your eyes.“   
> „I miss you so much.“   
> „Please come home.“   
> \- July 2077 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Got a little treat for you at the end <3

_ „ _ _ The stars tonight remind me of your eyes _ _.“ _

_ „ _ _ I miss you so much.“ _

_ „Please come home.“ _

_ \- July 2077 _

_ ___ _

The bullet hit its target perfectly. Rogue still stood there, in shock. Kerry slumped forwards, the gun slipping out of his hand. He sobbed. A big, ugly cry. A heartbreaking scream escaping his lips. Rogue couldn’t move. She felt  Kerry's pain deep in her bones. She wasn’t an emotional person but even she couldn’t hold back the tears. The way Kerry shut his eyes close, screaming like his life was depending on it. And in some way it was. When Rogue had entered the Columbarium and saw Kerry with the gun to his head she thought she was too late. But just before he pulled the trigger, he turned the gun, shooting up, putting a bullet straight into Johnny’s shrine. Rogue slowly approached Kerry who was still crying and heaving. His make up smudged. She only had seen him cry ones, when she delivered the news of Johnny’s death to him. But this now, this wasn’t anything she had ever seen before. This was a kind of grief, of pain, she wasn’t able to understand. She had never loved anyone the way Kerry loved V. Not even Johnny. And she didn’t know what she was supposed to do, if she was even in the position to comfort him. 

“Fuck you!”, Kerry screamed. Rogue didn’t know who it was directed it, she didn’t believe that he had noticed her presence. Kerry stood up, pressing his finger angrily  against the shrine. 

“Fuck  you, Johnny! Fuck you so, so much, this is your fucking fault! ”, he screamed, crying, pleading, begging.  “You took him from me, you fucking did that!”

Kerry broke down again, this time Rogue jumped forward, holding him by his arm before he’d break his fucking knees. He leaned against her, still sobbing. He wouldn’t calm down anytime soon, she knew that. And she knew that he needed this. 

“It’s okay Kerry. I’m here. Scared the shit out of me though.”

“Sorry”, he mumbled, tears streaming down his face . He shook, trembling from the near death experience and his sudden outburst. He couldn’t break the promise he made V. He wouldn’t harm himself, V would be  angry with him, disappointed. Even when he was dead he couldn’t let down his fiancé. Not after everything he had done to save him. 

“Why couldn’t I save him Rogue. Why could he help me, but I couldn’t help him?”

“You did help him Kerry.” She hesitated a second before she started stroking his cheek carefully. “He was so happy every time he talked about you.”

“He’s not here anymore Rogue, I didn’t do shit!”, he spat.  “He’s not here anymore…” 

Rogue knew that she needed to get Kerry out of here. If somebody saw he would be in trouble. MSM Records had been on his neck for weeks now. He hadn’t confided them in, he  actually managed to keep his engagement even a secret from his management. She slowly stood up, his arm still wrapped around his torso, lifting him to his feed. He stumbled a bit, having a hard time standing steadily, leaning against her. It was not like this was the first time Rogue helped him up while he could barely walk. The last few times though was ages ago and he was considerably drunk, not depressed. She slowly walked him out of the Columbarium, making sure nobody saw them. 

“I’ll take the  Aerondight ”, he muttered, trying to get out of her tight grip.

“Hell you do Kerry.  I’ll take you with me. Can fetch your car later or send one of my men. Don’t trust you that you won’t send yourself flying down a cliff.”

Kerry sighed. She was probably right, he wasn’t in the condition to drive. His mind still clouded from what felt like hours of crying, albeit just being mere minutes. Rogue gently placed him down in her  car.

“You wait here, okay? I’ll get your stuff.”

Kerry just nodded absent mindedly. He rolled V’s amulet between his pointer and middle finger. A habit he adapted every time he got nervous. It made him feel like V was still with him. He watched out the window, following Rogues steps as she walked back to V’s shrine. It was his birthday; she didn’t know but Kerry surely did. He had planned to end it right here, right now. This time for real. And he still couldn’t do it. He was nearly 90 years old; he should’ve been dead anyway. It wasn’t abnormal that people got way older these years, now that cybernetics and plastic surgery had advanced in such a way. Sometimes it seemed that humankind was getting immortal. Everyone had a prosperous, long life to look forward to, if they had enough money that is.  _ Or not a brain eating fucking terrorist in their head. _ The one person, the fucking only person Kerry cared about was one of the people who were  _ not  _ lucky enough to live a fulfilled and long life. And no matter how much money Kerry had, and contacts and pure fucking luck sometimes. Nothing could have saved the love of his life. Tears started to build up again, a white pain creeping up his neck, making his head pound again. It was for the lack of sleep and food, and probably also water, that Kerry felt shittier every day. He gripped the amulet tight and shut his eyes. He didn’t want to cry again.  _ Five fucking years  _ _ Eurodyne _ _ , get over it.  _ He felt the car move slightly as Rogue plopped down beside him, closing the door. 

“We’re going to the Afterlife. You look like you could use a drink and some proper food. Also don’t want to leave you alone after what you just fucking pulled off out there.”

Kerry wanted to protest but it honestly felt nice to have someone who cared, even if it was just because V had asked her to. He also needed to visit the Afterlife, he hadn’t been there for weeks and after V left, he and Rogue had taken care of it together. Legally, he was the owner of the establishment, Rogue just handled the jobs. He was basically the undergrounds Sugar Daddy at this point. 

The ride back into Watson was long and silent. They both didn’t dare to speak. Rogue simply because she didn’t know what to say. And Kerry because he felt one wave of guilt after another wash over him. He still fumbled with the amulet when they arrived, his bottom lip nearly bit bloody. He grunted when he opened the door and stepped outside. He was only wearing a shirt and leather pants, so everyone around them immediately turned their head. His gold cybernetics were one of a kind and his face recognizable from meters away. The two new albums had given him a lot more reach than he had imagined himself, giving his career a sudden, new jumpstart. The first few fans were starting to flock in his direction, Kerry quickly pulling out his sunglasses and setting them on his nose, when Rogue intervened. 

“No, no autographs today. Mr.  Eurodyne does not have time for you.”

Although only slightly taller than Kerry, the woman was intimidating. Her piercing blue eyes, the same model as Kerry’s, glowing red, indicating that she was calling for assistance. The fans stopped dead in their tracks. 

“Go inside, I’ll handle it. The booth, you know which one. Tell ‘em I’ll be there in a minute.”

Kerry just nodded, still holding the necklace, as he made his way down to the Afterlife. Admittedly, he wasn’t very fond of the place. This bar wasn’t cut out for  rockerboys , at least not the ones who had made it  big. It was a place for mercenaries, where jobs were discussed not suited for the eyes and ears of the plebes. The only welcome thing about the Afterlife was that nobody cared about him being Kerry Eurodyne. Ever since V passed, he had been a regular here. They didn’t know why, and they didn’t ask. The only two people here who knew that V and Kerry were engaged were Rogue and Claire. And since V trusted Claire, Kerry trusted her too. He stood at the bar, Claire with her back to him as she cleaned some glasses. He cleared his throat briefly and the woman turned around with a smile on her lips. 

"Kerry, good to see you here. How are you? You look like crap."

"Yeah, that' s how... I feel."

"What can I get you?"

"The usual. And maybe a water."

"A 'V' for Kerry, and a water because he's obviously been living on nothing but cigarettes and tequila for days."

Kerry grinned. Claire always managed to lighten the mood. She had such a positive way about her, even though she herself had witnessed a lot of crap in her life. He appreciated her a lot for that, she always made him feel welcome. He accepted the drinks gratefully and sat down in the corner that was usually besieged by Rogue.  _ Or V, when he was still alive _ . He sipped his drink. He didn't know  why, he didn't even really like the mixture. It was too sweet for his  taste, he had no idea what V always had with the sweet drinks. He looked more like a whiskey guy, which he  definitely was , but when he had a  choice he always went for the sweet stuff. Still, the taste reminded him of his fiancé; of the way his lips tasted when they kissed. Sweet and tender, a little sour from the alcohol. The mixture of sugar and bitterness. Of blood and saliva and cigarettes. The sugar rim on the glass reminded him of V's stubble.  _ Fuck _ . Everything reminded him of V. Especially here. He was just waiting for him to walk through the door, a smile on his face as always, his mood far too good for the fact that he'd just probably slashed a dozen men with his  Monowire or torn through them with his Mantis Blades. V had been dying ever since Kerry had met him, but he had never seen him weak, at least not in front of strangers. It made Kerry all the  more proud that V had  opened up at home around him, had confided in him. After all the drama with Johnny and V's iron will to give up, he was just happy that V trusted him enough to let his feelings run free when they were alone. V had his problems, the depression and panic attacks, the illness after the he and Johnny got separated. He never showed it in public, at least he tried to, but he couldn’t hide it from Kerry. And Kerry was more than willing to assist V in every way possible. 

Kerry was so lost in his thoughts that he didn't notice Rogue sitting down next to him. She had a glass of whiskey in her hand and swirled it briefly before taking a small sip. She watched Kerry. They had known each other long enough, over 60 years already, and she knew that look. Kerry had always been the most emotional person in her circle of acquaintances. 

A radio silently played in the background. The news  were being announced, nothing exciting, like every day. A few new regulations from the NCPD, gun bans on main streets, the weather, celebrity talk. Most of it was drowned out by the excited chatter of job seekers and clients in the bar. V was missing from every corner. Of course, Rogue had run the place before, but V had taken it over with a bang and made it even bigger, even more famous. Such a young man who twice survived a successful heist on  Arasaka became a legend in Night City. Everyone who was even a little interested in the underground knew his name. And then his fiancé was also the biggest rocker boy of his time. She sighed. The fact that V had not only accomplished everything he had set out to do, but had magnificently overachieved, filled her with pride. And with irascibility. Sadness. He was about the age of her biological son, and sometimes she couldn't shake the feeling that she should have taken responsibility for V. She had missed that opportunity already with her own child and now she had made the same mistake again. She felt guilty. That she shouldn't have left Kerry alone, that maybe she could have helped more. That maybe if she had dug around more instead of making V pop a pill for a lousy date with Johnny, he would be still around. At the end of the day, however, it was too late, and in the town where no one ever slept, people had long forgotten what the man behind the name looked like. V was still a legend, that was out of question. But as legends always tend to be, he was dead. She took another sip before turning her full attention to Kerry. 

"Please don't say anything Rogue, I..."

"I understand Kerry. I really get it."

He looked at her, raising his eyebrows. He'd expected anything but.... not that she understood. Or the worried look he just saw on her face. 

"Listen, you lost your fiancé, way too soon, way too young. And I know, probably as the only one at all, how much you already lost. Your life wasn't easy, none of us had it easy. But what you've been through the last few years. God Kerry, I'm surprised it took you five long years to put that thing to your head."

"It's not like I haven't thought about it before," he muttered as he swirled the glass in his hand, watching the sweet liquid wash over the  half-melted ice cubes. 

"I'm proud of you Kerry."

“Of what exactly?”, he said, his undertone hinting that he didn’t believe her. 

“That you didn’t do it. Not in the Columbarium and not before that. You’re still here, still kicking it. I know it’s because you promised him. And that makes me proud. Back in the days of Samurai you were just as a lost cause as Johnny, but against all odds you’ve become a great man. I mean... look at you, you’re A-Game. You’ve made it into the major leagues of music and on top of that”, he poked at his chest, right where his heart was. “You’ve found love. Like true fucking love, not whatever this Louise bitch was.”

Kerry couldn’t help but laugh at that comment. She was right, if he really thought about it, he had made it. But then again, he was alone. His love not reciprocated. Not because the man he loved didn’t love him back though. And that was quite comforting. He took another sip of the drink and leaned against Rogue. She flung her arm back over the couch. She wasn’t the cuddly type, but Kerry sure as hell was and if that was, what he needed right now, she wouldn’t deny him. She observed him carefully, he was wearing one of V’s shirts. A yellow Pac-Man like creature on it, eating red and blue pills. Rogue wondered if it was V’s favorite shirt because it reminded him of the pills, he had to take in order to keep Johnny at bay or to give him a free pass. Or because Pac-Man was such a high-score oriented game and V was always out for the first place. The crack in  its head making it even more tragic, when one thought about how Johnny literally tore his brain apart. Then again, it probably didn’t have any double meaning, he just liked the design. V never gave anything too much thought and that made him even more sympathetic. 

Her eyes wandered down his tattooed arms. The simple, Filipin design suited Kerry very well, he had always been overly proud of his heritage. Her eyes stopped though, surprised to see a change in the design. 

“Did you do something to your arm?”

“What do you mean?”

She grabbed his right hand, slowly turning his arm until he flinched. 

“Sorry.” 

She looked at the tattoo. Something was different, but she didn’t really know what.

“The year.”

She looked at him.

“I changed the year. That’s what’s different.”

He was right. Instead of ‘2023’ there now was a bright, black ‘2077’. 

“For V”, she muttered. 

“Yeah. For V. Although he technically died in 2078 and not 2077. I just... you know, because I’ve last seen him that year. It felt fit.  Also because Johnny died that year too. Again. I’ve lost my two closest friends only 4 months apart. The 2023 didn’t seem hold up anymore. God bless  laser treatment and good coverup artists.”

“Must’ve hurt a ton, I know you’re a pussy.”

Kerry grinned.

“Yeah, absolutely. Hurt like shit. But looks good.”

“It does.” 

“Even got another one too. Just a small one.”

He held out his left arm. Right under his black sleeve was a black ‘V’ tattooed. Kerry never seemed like someone who would get a name tattooed, especially not of a lover, but Rogue knew better than to joke about it. This was not the time and place and not her position.

“He’d be honored, I’m sure of it.”

He closed his eyes, humming in agreement, still leaning on her. She notices him shiver, a little goosebump spreading along his arms. 

“Hey, can you... can you let me out? I need to fetch something, be back in a sec.”

“Yeah, sure.” 

Kerry stretched as he watched Rogue stand up and leave the booth, her yellow signature pullover shining brightly against the green and blue light of the bar. He was so touch starved that he even tried to cuddle Johnny’s ex. He shook his head.  _ Maybe he shouldn't have been such a fucking coward. _ He waited patiently for her to return, playing with V’s amulet. He knew he was  save here, still, he didn’t like the Afterlife. Everyone was wearing some sort of weapon, everyone looked like they could start a  full on war on their own. This wasn’t his world. Claire looked at him briefly, nodding, smiling. Trying to calm him. After 5 long minutes Rogue returned to him. She had something over her arms, it looked like brown leather, a bit dirty, a bit burned at some parts. Kerry raised his eyebrows in curiosity, his eyes lighting up for a second as he scanned the item. 

“You looked like you were getting cold. That’s why I got you a jacket.”

She held the leather jacket out to Kerry, who carefully took it in his arms. A well-known, nostalgic smell overwhelmed him suddenly, memories flooding back into his brain like a monsoon. Memories of V coming home in the middle of the night, beaten and bloody, memories of him sitting behind V, hugging him tightly while they were on his Arch, heading out to the badlands. Memories of how he got rid of V’s clothes as fast as he could to make love to him on whatever flat surface was nearby. Memories of V. 

“Is that V’s  bomber jacket ?”

“It is. I had it here, for the last 5 years. He said he wanted me to keep in case... you know.”

Kerry nodded, a knot forming in his stomach. His throat started to burn as tears dwell up. He put on the jacket, hugging himself tightly. It was too big for him, but it smelled just like V. Fuck. He hadn’t smelled his fiancé in so long, he nearly forgot how fucking perfect it was. 

“Keep it, Kerry. You need it more than anyone else.”

He nodded again; his face buried deep into the high collar of the jacket. It felt so warm, it felt like home. Rogue observed him, a slight smile forming on her lips. He looked so innocent, so pure. Kerry was truly too good for this world. Just as she wanted to continue with the conversation, she saw his eyes light up blue. Kerry must’ve read something, his eyes knitting together in an annoyed manner. 

“Fuck, forgot I have rehearsal tonight.”

“Still with that shitty manager? Eh... the one with the yacht you burned down?”

“ Kovachek ? Hell nah. God bless, fired him right after the debacle. No, a new one. Miller. He’s good, he’s just... very demanding.”

Kerry stood up, still cuddling into the jacket. 

“Need to get going Rogue. Thank you so much for... for all of this. For helping me out, for saving me. Especially for the jacket of course.”

He smiled, genuinely thankful to have a friend, albeit one who wasn’t as empathetic as he needed. 

“I’ll try to get to the Afterlife at least once a week, I promise.”

“Would be an honor. It’s also yours so would be nice to see the boss around sometimes.”

Kerry turned around, straightening up a bit and for a split second he looked like a spitting image of V. Rogue sighed deeply. 

“Kerry. Listen.”

He turned back once  again; his face painted with  curiosity .

“Take care of yourself, okay? You are all that is left.”

He tilted his head in confusion. 

“Left of what?”

“V’s legacy.”

***


	6. I'm Coming Home Babe

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> „ Please come back home . “   
> „I’m trying .”   
> „ I know .“   
> \- September 2077 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for reading, commenting, giving Kudos.  
> It means the world to me <3

_„_ _Please come back home_ _._ _“_

_„I’m trying_ _.”_

_„_ _I know_ _.“_

_\- September 2077_

_____

The beeping made V go insane. He didn’t know how much time had passed since Kerry killed himself. Or at least that’s what V supposed happened. His mind had been racing since the call ended, but now he was just staring blankly at the wall. Tried do stifle another sob. He didn’t want to cry when he was monitored by Arasaka 24/7. He knew the employees too well; he once was one of them. If Kerry really was gone than what was the point of it all? It seemed like the universe never intended them to have a happy ending. 

Five long years. He had waited five long years for V’s return and now, even if V could escape Arasakas grip, they would never meet again. He closed his eyes, tears streaming down his cheeks again, filling the corner of his mouth, dripping down onto the white cotton sheets. They tasted salty, full of sorrow, regret and guilt. His lower lip trembling as he tried not to whimper out loud. The lady told him that they didn’t monitor his Holo so they probably didn’t know what had happened. And he didn’t want them to, that would just mean that they would even be more ruthless towards him. _At least_ , V thought, _they couldn’t use Kerry against me, can’t hurt the man I love anymore._ In the very worst case, he would grab a gun from security and shoot himself in the head, destroying the chip along the way. 

He rolled onto his back; eyes still closed. He had tried everything to save himself and now that he actually was alive and well, relatively speaking, the reason he did all this for was gone. Life was unfair. 

Just as he was dozing off again, he heard the door slide open. The woman from earlier walked in, her heels clicking against the clean, white floor. 

“V.” 

He opened his eyes, rolling around, wiping the tears and looking her up and down. She had changed from the white, skintight suit and lab coat to a black midi dress. Something was off with her, it was like V knew her, but he couldn’t recall from where and how. 

"How are you?" 

V hummed only briefly. 

"I'll take that as 'okay'. You don't look so good. Did something happen?" 

"No. Everything's just fine." 

V's voice vibrated as he suppressed another wave of tears. 

"This must all be very hard for you." 

_What did she mean?_ _Did_ _she know about Kerry?_

"I mean, we've been trying to bring you back to life for five years." 

"You used me as a guinea pig, I think that's what you meant to say." 

She shook her head and laughed briefly. 

"No, you mustn't think of it that way. You were just an optimal candidate. You already had a construct of a psyche implemented on a chip, so we knew it could take it." 

"That who can take what?" 

"Your psyche the transfer. Unfortunately, we've already had cases where major parts of the personality construct have fallen apart and been lost. People who didn't know who they were after we uploaded them into the 'Secure Your Soul' program." 

V drew his eyebrows together. He vaguely remembered what Alt had explained to him in Cyberspace. She was the one who had written the program, over 50 years ago. 

"Can I ask you something?" 

"Of course V." 

"The chip in my head. I've talked to Hellman, I know he was the lead researcher on that project before.... Arasaka let him go. He said the chip in my head was just a prototype, has that changed?" 

"No, the chip in your head is still the relic that previously held the psyche of Johnny Silverhand. However, thanks to you, we were able to build newer, modern chips that are compliant with most synthetic bodies and non-synthetic brains." 

V nodded. He didn't know if he thought this answer was satisfactory, or if he should just worry about the future of humanity as a whole. Johnny had often bugged him with anti Corpo propaganda, but V knew he was right about many things. He had just never believed he could ever fight it. And obviously he had been right. 

"I have one more question." 

"Of course V." 

"The brain I have. Whose was it?" 

"Oh, I'm afraid I can't tell you that. Not because I'm not allowed to, I just don't know. We received hundreds of intact brains as donations on which we could experiment. This was the first one that accepted the chip and complied with the synthetic body." 

_Hundreds of brains, which were donated._ That didn't sound right. Rather hundreds of helpless people, who had turned to Arasaka in their last need and hoped to get at least a few more Eddies. Probably parents who wanted to provide for their children, poor people from the street. In short: inferior beings in the eyes of the Corpos. 

"What happened to my body and my brain?" 

"Burned." 

"And the chrome in it?" 

"We took it out of your old body, upgraded it, and put it into your new, synthetic body. I'm sure you can guess that wouldn't have been necessary, but we wanted to make sure most of it was as you remembered it. You knew your body better than anyone else and would certainly like to continue living in it. May I ask how your new body feels?" 

"Still a little numb," V replied, turning his arm thoughtfully. The gold shimmered in the bright neon light of the room. The colors and reflections reminded him of Kerry, glistening beside him every morning, how much he loved the golden marks on his body. This was his original chrome at least, the one his fiancé had chosen for him. That was a relief. 

"But like a body?" 

"Yeah," V swallowed, "a little creepy if I can be honest." 

The woman smiled, then shifted from one leg to another. She was here for a reason, not just to talk. That was obvious. 

"We've prepared a test, it only takes a few minutes." 

V looked at her. _What kind of test was she talking about?_ His heart began to pound. He knew it couldn't mean anything good. 

"Please sit up V. The more you participate, the faster we'll get it over with." 

Her tone suddenly became serious, the laughter disappeared. A young man in a lab coat came in, in front of him a trolley with various syringes. 

"What are you going to do?" asked V anxiously as he sat up. 

"Just a few tests. It'll be quick, I promise." 

The man with the trolley came over to them and nodded to the woman. 

"Give me your arm V." 

V looked at her, frozen like a deer in headlights. He was not a person who was easily frightened, but this woman and Arasaka, they were of a different caliber. He knew no matter what it was, it would be painful. 

"V. Your arm." 

He hesitated briefly before holding out his left arm to her. It wasn’t like he had a choice, so complying was probably the best option. She briefly scanned for his veins before taking a long syringe in her hand. She didn't clean the area, just asked him to make a fist, which he reluctantly did. He felt the slight crack as the syringe penetrated the synthetic skin. No pain, no pressure. Only now did he realize that he had felt no pain since he had been awake. Just as he was about to take a calming breath, however, that changed. An incredible stabbing sensation flowed up his arm into his shoulder, filling his chest with an unimaginable burning sensation. It felt like someone was breaking and shifting every bone in his body with macabre precision. He cried out, no longer able to suppress the pain. The woman only smiled in satisfaction. V began to sweat, thick drops rolling down his forehead over his face. As soon as the woman pulled the syringe out, he grabbed his arm, applied pressure to the area, tried anything, just to make it stop. In the meantime, the pain had spread to the tips of his toes. He was still striding, eyes squeezed tightly shut. He bent forward and clutched at his arm. His hair fell into his face and stuck to his forehead. The woman only watched him. His knuckled turned white as he clawed at his arm, his whole body tensing. 

"That's perfect." 

"Perfect?!" snorted V, his voice barely intelligible through his heavy breathing. He looked up at her, his gaze full of anger and hatred. 

"We've activated your pain receptors. They seem to be working." 

"Seems so!" he grunted, squinting his eyes again. 

"How long?" he gasped. "How long until this stops?" 

"An hour or two. After that, you should have a normal sense of pain." 

"An hour or two?! After that, I'm dead!" 

"I'll put on some music for you. You should lie down, you're tensing up." 

"Oh, what a surprise. Fuck!" he yelled. 

The pain was almost unbearable. Wave after wave went through him. He felt like he was burning alive, his skin melting, muscles ripping from his bones. The woman bowed briefly. The young man had already disappeared again, V had not noticed, so distracted was he from not falling over immediately. He lay down carefully and arched his back. Nothing, but absolutely nothing helped. He heard the woman go out again, the clacking of shoes on the floor, the beeping of the machines, the bright light. Everything was too much for him. A complete sensory overload. The only thing that mattered now was surviving. Even if it actually no longer had any sense. 

*** 

Three hours. That's how long the pain lasted. It wasn't V's worst 3 hours, at least as far as mental pain was concerned. Physical, on the other hand, was a completely different issue. Finally, the pain subsided, leaving him a mess entangled in his bedsheets and sweat. 

He had fallen asleep, much too exhausted from fighting for dear life. The door to his room opened again, but he didn't move, his hands still clinging to the pillow, his bed now completely soaked. Synthetic blood was visible on the bedclothes, it stuck to his arm, to his shirt, to his hand. He had tried to tear open his left arm, just with his golden fingernails. The pain had become so unbearable that he saw only one way out: he had to do something else, something much more painful, to distract himself. It hadn't helped, at the most it had only made the last hour even worse. 

The woman sat down in the chair and looked at the beeping devices. His pulse had returned to normal and stable, which was good. His breathing had also settled down. 

"V." 

He didn't respond. She looked at the devices again. _Were they showing false readings? Had the body rejected him again?_ She reached carefully for his hand as he abruptly turned to her and held her tightly. She flinched, a soft scream escaping her lips, her eyes wide. 

"Don't ever do that again!" he warned her through gritted teeth. 

"I'm sorry, V," she said as he released his grip. 

"Being brought back to life always has consequences." 

"I didn't ask for this." 

"That's not true." 

Her voice was monotone. She took out her tablet and wrote something down. Then she pulled a needle out of her pocket and stuck V in the arm. 

"Fuck, ow, what the hell?!" 

"Good, so the drug worked. You feel pain now." 

"Oh fuck, wow. We have a new Nobel prize winner in the room. I could have told you that without you fucking touching me again." 

She just nodded. Her whole manner disgusted V. She was cold, she was only focused on the goal. She was probably working herself half to death in this place. Just like he had done before. Arasaka not only killed people like V who were being experimented on, they also killed their own employees. Everyone in this seemingly well-oiled machine was replaceable, they made you feel that often enough in your own body. 

The hole that V had torn in Mikoshi must have left deep wounds. Otherwise he could not explain why they had brought him back. _A perfect candidate they said, that was bullshit_. It had to do with something else. 

"Why am I here?" 

"I already told you, you're a perfect candidate." 

"Cut the bullshit. I know that's not true." 

She looked up with interest. 

"Why do you think you're here?" 

"Johnny Silverhand. Adam Smasher. Mikoshi." He paused for a moment. "Alt Cunningham." 

She raised an eyebrow. _Bingo, he'd hit the mark._ V knew the Corpo rats well enough to know when they were trying to hide their true intentions. 

"You've caused Arasaka a lot of trouble. Starting with your theft of the relic, to the break-in at Mikoshi. What you unleashed there, you can't imagine the extent of it." 

"Oh, I think I can. It's so bad that I'm still here. What do you want from me? Really?" 

"I'm afraid I can't tell you." 

V rolled his eyes. She tried to dodge, but he had nothing to lose. His patience had run out. He jumped up and grabbed her by the neck, not hesitating for a second, and squeezed. 

"Tell me you stupid bitch, what do you want from me?!" 

It took less than 5 seconds until he had to release his grip. He grabbed his head, _fuck_ , someone had shorted circuited him. His skull throbbed as he went to his knees. The woman took a few steps back as two men rushed in. They grabbed V under the arms and pinned him to his bed. He had no chance, they had gorilla arms, best Arasaka technology at that. They tied him up by his arms and legs and made sure he had no chance to escape. The woman nodded to them as they left the room and stood by V's bed. 

"You will get your answers, I promise you. But for now, you have to cooperate. I'll come back tomorrow and check on you." 

With that, she turned on her heels, picked up her tablet and disappeared outside. V stared at the ceiling. The light was slowly dimming, at least a little. He closed his eyes. Fighting the handcuffs was pointless. It wasn't like he was lying comfortably right now, but he wasn't in a position to change that either. He just had to endure being defenseless. 

His thoughts drifted back to Kerry, a sweet escape from the hell that he currently endured. Drifting to the day he saw him for the first time. "Match, point and set." That applied to both sides. He missed him so incredibly. How he had bent over him, worried, after Johnny had given him back his body. He'd only seen someone so worried about him once before. Jackie. He wouldn't say he had an instant crush on Kerry, but he couldn't deny that he found him incredibly attractive even then. And he had been happy about every new message he received after the Samurai concert. The kiss on the balcony of Dark Matter, that was the moment he really knew that this man would be his. Forever. And now he couldn't even hold him in his fucking arms. A lump formed in V's throat as he tried one more time to suppress his grief. _Fuck_ , all he wanted to do was play in the Major Leagues. He never wanted to fall in love, he never wanted to build a future with someone else. He knew his job would kill him eventually, and now he had already dragged two people he loved more than anything to their deaths. 

His headache was slowly subsiding. He had lost all sense of time. It could have been hours since the woman had been here, or maybe only minutes. He did not know. He didn't know anything anymore. Just as his thoughts were slowly drifting away and exhaustion was taking over, he heard a voice. His heart began to race again, his Holo had lit up. He couldn't answer it, the call just went through. He couldn't see who it was, he couldn't talk to whoever was on the other side. Whoever it was, he hoped it had nothing to do with Kerry. He couldn't bear to have Rogue or Vik or Misty call him to tell him that his fiancé had taken his own life. He didn't even want to hear that information. 

But it wasn't Vik, it wasn't Misty, and it wasn't Rogue. 

"Hey babe." 

_Kerry_ . V snapped his eyes open. It was Kerry. _Fuck, Kerry!_ He immediately tried to calm himself down so the weird woman and her goon wouldn't notice too much. They would surely see that a Holo c all just come through V's optics, but she herself said she didn't know from whom, that they had given him this privacy. He prayed that she hadn't lied . V couldn't see Kerry, apparently, they had cut off the video connection, but it didn't matter. It was Kerry. _Fuck_. He was alive. V had never been so relieved about something in his life before. 

“I had... wow, I had such a shitty day today.” He took a drag from his cigarette. There was some loud noise in the background. V suspected him to be somewhere in the city. “It started out pretty regular, you know. Heading to the studio and stuff. Didn’t do it actually, called them to let them know I won’t be in today. Fuck, V. I pulled the stupidest shit today. Went to... your new home, y’know. Columbarium. Have been to your old megabuilding beforehand and got a gun. Wanted to shoot me in the head.” 

So he really had tried to kill himself. V gulped, he wished he could let him know that he was here, that he was listening. 

“I didn’t do it, obviously. Wouldn’t be talking to you otherwise.” Another drag. He was nervous. “Rogue was there, she took me back to the Afterlife. Girl probably saved me, I’ll get her a nice gift or something. Don’t know.” 

He slurred a bit. V was worried. He just hoped he’ll take a Del back home, maybe Junior, and not drive on his own. Not in his state that is. 

“She gave me your jacket. The one you got from her, the replica of Johnnys from the days back. Just... shit. It smelled just like you. Haven’t smelled your cologne in god knows how long. Will probably sleep in it for the next few weeks.” 

V crooked a smile. She had kept her promise, that was good. 

“I need you so much right now V. Just had a rehearsal and it went like shit. Miller, my new manager, he’s an asshole. Not as bad as Kovachek but still... he’s shit. Wants me to pull a world tour, like, fuck. I can’t do this, it’s too much. Threatens to fire me, or worse. Wouldn’t be surprised if some goons were standing in my foyer one morning beating me bloody for not coming to the studio again. I just wish you were here V. I know you’d protect me. Guess I’ll have to blow up a van on my own this time. Won’t be the same, honestly.” 

V’s blood was starting to boil. Kerry was alone, he was afraid, and the world turned against him once again. He needed to be there for him. He would make sure that nobody touched his fiancé. 

“Know that I’ll always love you V, no matter where you’re at right now. And if you’re still out there”, his voice hopeful, yet devastated, bitter. “Come back home. Please. I need you.” 

He heard a click; Kerry had hung up. He took a deep breath. Kerry was alive and V was alive. They were both in Night City and Kerry was in shit, again. V shook his head, all the exhaustion and pain gone in an instant. 

Oh, he would get out of here, he would make sure of that. He licked his lips, a small whisper escaping them. 

“I’m coming home babe.” 

***

Poor baby V 


	7. This Is The End

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Can you send me a video of you playing?”   
> “Sure babe.”   
> “I love you so much.”   
> \- June 2077

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> INFO:  
> I will probably need a bit more time to update the chapters from now on.  
> I scheduled a chapter a day but as the story proceeds (and I also got a full-time job and several side jobs) I simply don't have the time to update every day and still be satisfied with the outcome. 
> 
> I am sorry!

_ “Can you send me a video of you playing?” _

_ “Sure babe.” _

_ “I love you so much.” _

_ \- June 2077 _

___

Kerry sat on his couch, guitar on his leg, cigarette in his mouth. It had been two days since his rehearsal. He strummed a few notes, the ones he played on the Yacht, over 5 years ago. He intended the song to be the first for the album he wanted to release together with V. In the end he never showed the song to anyone besides his fiancé. The memory these chords were holding were way too personal to sing out to the world. He was sure the song would’ve been a hit, maybe even the best one on both albums he had already released, but the thought alone of standing on stage and playing something that bound him and V together like super glue didn’t sit right with him. V had asked him, sometimes literally begged, to play it for him,  over and over again . And Kerry never got tired of it, the way V’s black eyes widened as he observed Kerry’s swift fingers searching for the notes on the fret, how he never got to finish the song because V’s lips were crashing on his own. How playing this song always ended with them making love, kissing, searching for  each other's warmth. No, Kerry couldn’t play this song on stage. It would lose all its magic. And  so he got it locked up in his heart, where it belonged. Safe. Only for him. 

Until today. 

Kerry played while reluctantly answering a  Holo call. 

“Miller here, Kerry, where are you?”

Kerry  furrowed his brows. 

“Penthouse, in NC. You know, at home. What do you want?”

“Your show tonight, god Kerry, you already forgot? The soundcheck is in 2 hours.”

“Hm ”, he hummed, not paying attention to his manager at all. He watched as his fingers slid over the golden strings, tapping the second fret with his pointer finger, the fourth fret with his ring and little finger. Playing this song had become like second nature to him, even more than any Samurai song before. 

“Are you even listening? What is  that, a new song?”

Kerry looked up, stopping instantly.

“No, it’s... it’s nothing.”

“Nothing? Kerry, that sounded perfect ”, Millers voice suddenly painted with excitement. “You should play it tonight.”

“What? No... no way.” 

_ Fuck _ _ , what should he do? _ He  didn’t want to play it, that  wasn’t a real song, not meant for the ears of a stranger.

“I don’t know man, Kerry.  You’re the creative one here. Put it between two songs, play some chords. Need to tease the people for a new album. That sounded fucking perfect already.”

“I don’t want to Miller ”, Kerry said, his voice  sterner .  _ He really  _ _ fucked _ _ up here, huh? _

“Don’t  wanna hear  it Kerry. Play it, or else you’ll get in trouble, promise you that. Now get your ass over to the venue, your band is already waiting.”

“Miller, I-.”

_ Click. _ That fucker had ended the call. Kerry sighed. He lay the guitar on the ground and stood up, kicking his couch in frustration. 

“FUCK!”

He ran his fingers through his silver hair, entangling it in his rings. He had just showered, it was still a little damp, wetting his fingertips in the process. If he could, he would probably shoot his manager. That didn’t seem like the cleverest thing to do though. Of all the things that should have happened, this was not one of them. How could he just keep playing, he knew how Miller was, anything that smelled like success even to an Eddie had to be put on stage. In general Kerry wasn't in the mood to give a concert today, but if he didn't.... no idea what MSM would do to him. Without V, he had no real footing, no one to protect him when the going got tough. He couldn't afford to be careless. He picked up his guitar, tuned the strings that had gone out of tune when it fell to the floor, and carefully packed it into his case. He had become irresponsible towards his instruments. He didn't give a shit about them anymore. 

Kerry groaned and looked at his watch. He had to leave, he knew that, but he would take a little detour. A stupid idea had formed in his head that might prevent him from playing the Yacht song on stage. 

The concert was in a small hall in the City Center. He avoided all the concerts that had been scheduled for Watson. The closer they were to V's  megablock , the worse it was for him. His manager had ignored his requests at first, but when Kerry simply didn't show up for the sixth time in a row, he realized that it didn't make sense to rent halls there anymore. 

Kerry quickly ran upstairs and threw something on. He no longer had his vest, but V had accumulated more than enough jackets and spread them all over their apartment. He put on a semi-transparent white shirt and one of V's thin pink and blue bomber jackets. He thought for a second between a pair of black leather pants and a pair of black jeans, but then decided on the jeans. They were ripped in the front, full of holes. Just like the old pants he had always worn while he played with Samurai. He turned V's necklace the right way around, put on his rings and his bracelets and went downstairs. He picked up his suitcase, which he had left by the stairs, and headed for the door, where he put it down again. He put his hands on his hips and looked over a pile of shoes. Sneakers, boots, work shoes. V had quite a collection. Kerry, on the other hand, had almost exclusively his knee-high boots. Two or three others, but they looked  similar to the ones he always wore. He took a deep breath and decided on a pair of pink sneakers, V's favorite. They were a little too big for him, but that didn't bother him, better than too small. 

He looked at his watch again, he really had to hurry. He packed the suitcase and walked out the door straight into the elevator. He hadn't slept in V's penthouse in a long time, but after the last few days it felt better somehow. His Samurai bomber jacket was always in the bed, the smell had spread throughout the laundry. For the first time in a long while, Kerry was able to sleep reasonably well without getting drunk on sleeping pills and tequila. 

He looked around the apartment again before the doors closed in front of him. He didn't feel like it, he was so not in the mood, and that was really a rarity for Kerry. If there was anything that distracted him, that made him feel happy in any way, it was being on stage and making music. Just not today.

He headed down his  Aerondight that was parked in the underground parking garage. Rogue had been so nice to let it bring here by some of her men. He didn’t like when someone touched his car, other than V that was, but he had been too distracted to pick it up himself. Rogue also made clear that she didn’t want to save his ass again and that he didn’t get to keep the gun, so he handed it over to her. Probably for the best.

He carefully placed his guitar case on the passenger's seat before walking around the car and getting in himself. He needed to be fast, didn’t want any more stress than he would already get. He sped out the garage and opened his  Holo , letting it ring for a few seconds before someone on the other end answered. 

“Kerry Eurodyne, haven’t seen your face in a while.”

“Jeremy. Don’t have much time. Need the good stuff, fast. Got it?”

“Sure, sure. Only the best of the best for my best clients. How much?”

“How much do I get for 10k?”

The man on the other side choked. 

“10k? That bad?”

“Worse, believe me. Where are you right now?”

“Can meet at Caliente if you want to.”

Kerry looked at the time.

“Will be there in 15. Need you to be there sharp. Will be more like a drive in, got it? Don’t have much time.”

“Wow, you sound angry,  everything's okay?”

“Take a guess.”

“Well, well. Don’t  wanna anger Kerry  Eurodyne more than needed. I’ll be there. See ya.”

Kerry hung up without saying his goodbyes, sighing briefly while stopping at a red light. This detour cost him a lot of money, but he hoped it was worth it. He would sabotage his own concert tonight. Kerry had always been a bit light-headed, always out for danger. He  didn’t want to play the song, and he  wouldn’t , he would make sure of that at least. The drive to Caliente took him about 13 minutes, enough time to get out and smoke a cigarette before Jeremy arrived. 

“You’re late”, Kerry grunted as he leaned against his car.

“One minute. Damn, you’re  stressed-out man.  Sure that’s a good idea? Taking this?”

“Just give it to me, got it? Nod your biz if it’s a good idea or not.”

“Well, well, that’s for sure. The Eddies, please?”

Kerry’s eyes lit up for a second, before he stretched out his arm. 

“Eddies on the way. With a little bit extra for the fast delivery.” 

Jeremy smiled as he placed a small bag of white powder in his hand.

"The best Synthcoke in town, just for you."

Kerry immediately put the bag in his pocket looking around before his attention turned to Jeremy.

He raised his eyebrows, tilted his head slightly, lifted his chin, and looked menacingly at Jeremy with half-closed eyes. He crossed his arms and built himself up subliminally in front of Jeremy, his posture intimidating as he leaned his body weight on one of his legs. He had learned proper threatening from V, how to talk, how to act so as not to get screwed. And at that moment, he was  very grateful for the patience his fiancé had shown with him. 

"Not a word. If I read any of this in the screamsheets, you're finished."

Jeremy  just nodded, Kerry's threat seemed to have gotten through. 

"Alright, I'll see you around. Or not, who knows."

Kerry climbed back into the car and sped away, tires screeching. Jeremy watched him go, not sure if what had just happened was real. 

The little detour made Kerry late for about half an hour; not that he cared, bus his manager surely did. Just as he parked the car at the backstage entrance of the venue, Miller came out looking for him. 

“Fuck, Kerry! I said be here  _ now _ not half an hour later!”

Kerry shook his head, trying to ignore the man as he walked past him to get his guitar, but he got yanked back at his jacket.

“What the fuck are you wearing? Where’s your normal clothes?”

“These are my fucking normal clothes, shithead. Leave me be, will  ya ? Or do you  wanna make me late for the sound check.”

“You’re unbelievable.”

“You’re not the first man to tell me that.”

With that, Kerry got his case out of the car and  strutted inside. Miller looked after him, still in shock. Kerry got cocky, even more cocky than before. And whatever had pissed him off today would make this evening a nightmare to work with him. 

Kerry immediately got on stage and unpacked his guitar. He didn’t even greet anyone. He just wanted to get this over with. The soundcheck was  relatively short , everyone was in  biz for quite some time now and they knew what they were doing. Kerry re-tuned all his guitars again while waiting for the show to start. 

10 minutes, enough time for a smoke and a call. He needed some good luck with today, even if it was just playing pretend. He walked outside, fumbling for a  cigarette and opening his  Holo . He made sure nobody had followed him,  als he lit his cigarette and started talking. 

“Hey V. I’ve got a concert tonight. It’s”, he sighed. “It’s not going so well. The soundcheck was  preem , as always, but I don’t feel like playing today. My manager found out about the song from the yacht. You know which one?” He started humming silently, lasting for a few seconds. “Yeah, I’m sure you know which one. Bothered me every day to play it for you. I was honestly annoyed sometimes, but shit, I would do anything now to play it again for you. If you... you know, if you’re out there, somewhere... and you’ll get home. Shit, I’ll play it every day. When you’re waking up, when you go to bed. Always. Never thought I would get tired of  _ not _ playing a song.”

V listened to him. He lay on his side, eyes closed.  Araska had experimented on him again today, he was exhausted from running 2  hours straight , from testing out his Mantis Blades in a training room, from taking test over test and  syringe after  syringe . Hearing Kerry’s voice talking, humming, was like a lullaby to his ears. 

“I need to fire Miller. This world tour that he has planned, babe.  That’s going to kill me, for real this time. I  can’t do a third one in 4 years. I  don’t even  _ wanna _ __ leave. I got your jacket in bed with me now, it smells so much like you. I can finally sleep again. Not like  its premium sleep, but a lot better than the last few months, that’s for sure.”

V smiled. They were saving each other even when miles apart. Even after 5 years Kerry was still waiting. And V didn’t want to let him wait for another 5. 

“I’m sorry this is  gonna be a short call.” He threw his half-smoked cigarette to the ground. “Need to get ready. Oh, I’m... I’m wearing that transparent white shirt you got me. And your pink and blue jacket. And your pink sneakers. Kinda wanted you to be with me on stage tonight. Don’t forget my vest when you’re coming back. I mean... If. I love you so much babe. So, so much. I’ll call after the gig.”

V smiled, the image of Kerry in his clothes clouding his mind, engulfing all his senses. He loved when he wore his stuff, he looked so fucking adorable in it. He would get home and he would make up for all the time lost. 

Kerry headed back inside, his eyes turning back to  its normal blue-golden color. Miller waited for him, nodding towards the stage. 

“Better get going Eurodyne, band is already on there.”

“Yeah, yeah, I can hear that.”

He went into his dressing room searching for the  Synthcoke he just bought. He carefully opened the bag and poured the white powder onto the bench in front of him. He looked for a piece of cardboard and carefully pushed the  powder together into a thin line until he was satisfied. 10k eddies had gotten him a few grams. The stuff was expensive, but good. It worked and lasted up to 45 minutes. He rolled a bill with creepy precision before pulling all the stuff in through his nose. It burned, as always. Secretly, he hated the stuff. Johnny and he had done coke regularly in the early 21st century, when it was still the real thing and not the synth stuff. They had once caught a stretched version, which was riddled with glass shards. Johnny had to go to the hospital immediately, his entire nose was bloody and torn open. Since then, they had made sure to buy only the expensive, clean stuff. 

Kerry shook his head briefly and put it back in his neck. He stood back up, wiped the coke off the bench and off his nose, made double and triple sure there was none left, and came back out of the locker room. He grabbed his guitar from the stand, flung it around his shoulders and headed out, his face changing to a beaming smile in an instant, sunglasses put on his nose. The Kerry everyone saw on stage wasn’t who he really was. He was a persona, fiction, something he had created to please the crowd, to keep himself save from harsh reality. The rockerboy was that: a rockerboy. And Kerry was Kerry. The only person who really knew him was V. And he would keep it as that. 

“Good night  Night City!” he screamed into the microphone, lifting his right arm, his left hand already in the position for the first chord. He slammed down his right hand in a swift motion, jumping up to the tune of  Chippin ’ In. Start the night off with a classic. 

The first two songs went relatively smooth. The crowd was singing along to nearly every word he sang, the smile carved on his face like it was  made out of marble, not dropping it once. He had perfected the role he played and would not let anyone see the real Kerry. Not until he felt the side effects of the  Synthcoke hit him. He had planned for this; Kerry was dumb but not stupid. He knew he wouldn’t get away with not playing the new song Miller hat set his eyes and ears on until he wasn’t physically able to. He had made sure he had used just enough to not kill him, but to make him feel like shit. At least he hoped so. It was the first time in over 30 years that he had gotten that shit, it was like the first time again. He felt how is heart started beating faster and faster, the grip on his guitar loosened. He got dizzy, nauseous even. Sweat dropping from his forehead as he felt his temperature rise. Like a fever slowly creeping up his neck. After that the panic settled in. He dropped the guitar, letting it hang from his shoulders like a heavy baggage before going to his knees. He suddenly was afraid, afraid to death of something he didn’t know. The band stopped immediately; the crowd was going wild. Miller stood at the side, motioning to the lighting technician to cut the light while simultaneously telling the sound designer to mute the microphone and play music instead. Kerry felt his throat tighten. He gasped for air as he lay on his back, his heart racing faster and faster. He gripped his own shirt, the floor, the guitar, anything  really as one panic attack after another washed over him. His bandmates hovering over him, trying to pull the guitar strap from under him, steady his body somehow. Miller asked for Trauma, he seemed more annoyed than concerned. Kerry grasped for air, looking at his bandmates in a state of pure panic, disoriented. He had overdosed, it wasn’t “just too much” it was “way too much”.  _ Fuck _ . He wanted to say something, ask them to call Rogue or Vik or Misty, but he couldn’t, he was rendered unable to speak. He heard how someone screamed for Trauma, how the bouncers started to get the crowd out. After that it went black. He couldn’t move. He couldn’t breathe.  _ Maybe this was it _ , he thought.

_ Maybe this is the end.  _

***

It's the pink sneakers for me


	8. Finally

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “V?”   
> “I'm here babe.”  
> “I'll get you back home.”   
> \- December 2077 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Remember how I said yesterday that from no on I won't update everyday?  
> I kinda got in the mood after that and wrote the new chapter that turned out to be double the lenght of a normal chapter. 
> 
> So please enjoy and comment and freak out, because I loved, loved, loved writing this one!
> 
> Cocky V is cocky <3

_“V?”_

_“I'm here babe.”_

_“I'll get you back home.”_

_\- December 2077_

_____

Kerry hadn’t called. He had promised to call after the gig, but he hadn’t. It had to be hours since the Holo rang the last time and V was feeling uneasy. He knew Kerry could be distracted easily, tried to calm down, telling himself that he would call any minute, that he probably just headed back home and drank too much. Kerry would call. He had to. 

But he didn’t. No sign of life all night long. 

V opened his eyes as he heard the clacking of shoes on the white marble floor. He yawned and stretched. He had not realized that he had fallen asleep. Skeptically, he watched the woman as she looked at the machines next to his bed. She hummed a little to herself; it had almost become a ritual. She came in, made a few notes, skillfully ignoring V during the process, and then sat down on the chair next to the bed to talk to him. And that's exactly how it was this morning. 

"How are you V?" she said as she sat down and smoothed out her scrubs. 

"I don't know," he groaned. "How does it feel to be a prisoner of Arasaka?" 

His undertone was sarcastic. Since he knew Kerry was alive, he had become cocky. His brain was seething. He had put all his attention into taking this prison apart, finding a way out. And so slowly, a plan had manifested itself. He knew he wouldn't get out of here without this woman's help, and she certainly wouldn't hold a hand in the door for him to get away. After all, V was her showcase project. 

"How does the body feel?" 

"Like a body. I suppose. Unless it's not supposed to feel like one." 

The woman smirked briefly and made a mental note. 

"We're going to do some more testing today. Especially about your firmware, you're about to get an update, and then we want to test your reflexes. Please eat something first. You'll be picked up then." 

"I know the procedure by now." 

She nodded and eyed him briefly. He had definitely gotten stronger, the synthetic body functioning almost exactly like a real one. It digested food and drink, it felt pain, it produced tears, sadness, anger, joy.... V was simply perfect. And V would help her get the recognition she had deserved for so long. But he was also dangerous, she knew that. As soon as she took up her new position within the company, she would have to eliminate him. He knew too much, he was unpredictable, he was a killer. She could see it in his eyes, the hatred he had for her, for Arasaka. How they lit up briefly when Kerry's name was mentioned or his music was turned on. V was emotion-driven. If it had been up to her colleague, he would have been stripped of those emotions, but then V wouldn't be perfect, just another toy in Arasaka's clutches. That was also why she had decided against turning off his holo completely. V needed something emotional to attach to in order to function properly. And only when he functioned properly was she successful. She had analyzed V perfectly, nothing could go wrong. 

"I'll see you in 15 minutes then, Vidan." 

"V," he said dryly. 

He hated when strangers used his real name. Only Jackie knew it, and Kerry, and only they were allowed to address him that way. 

"Of course, _V_." She emphasized his name extra clearly before standing up and disappearing back outside, shoes clacking loudly. V hated the sound so much. He had always hated it, never understanding why some people willingly squeezed into such uncomfortable shoes, but hers... hers were especially annoying. A clacking that shook him to the core. 

A younger man brought him food and drink a few minutes later. Synthetic scrambled eggs with bread that tasted like it might as well have been a piece of cardboard. Food was food and he was content to fill his stomach at all. The water that was provided for him, however, was a whole different ballgame. It wasn't that he didn't like drinking water, but the one at Arasaka HQ had a very particular taste. One that V had been forced to drink for far too long and now just despised. 

"Can I have a coffee?" 

He got no answer. Instead, the same man from a few minutes ago came in and put a cup of black coffee in front of him. V didn't dare ask for milk, so he just took the cup and downed the hot drink in one go. It tasted more like bitter water than coffee, but it served its purpose. V wanted to find out more about his stay in the building today, maybe hack into the system secretly and find a way out. He needed to be awake for that, to remain undetected. Surely the strange woman had enough security, both physical and on the intranet, simply designed for his surveillance. V just had to get past them. 

He put his empty plate and cup on the table and drew his legs up. There was absolutely nothing to do in this room, so he waited. Like he did every morning. 

After exactly 15 minutes, the woman entered his room again, tablet under her arm. Behind her, two large men, equipped with gorilla arms, each with a gun in a holster on his belt. V eyed the three of them closely. He probably had no chance to attack the two monkeys at once. But if he could disarm one of them and then shoot the other... he had no reason to do so yet, but he had to develop his plan further. He didn't want to stay here much longer, couldn't wait much longer to see Kerry again. It just had to come at the right time, if such a thing existed at all. 

The two men and the woman led him into the hallway. There were no signs on the doors, everything looked the same. White walls, white floors, white doors. They stopped in front of one of the doors, the women scanned her retina before leading them all in. V looked around, there were a couple of cloth dummies in the room, scanners, cameras to record everything. He looked at the woman questioningly. 

"We're testing your combat skills today. Your firmware is about to be briefly updated; your optics will get a new Combat Mode. We've taken the liberty of adding a Mantis Blade to your golden prosthetic arm as well." 

"Why are you doing all this?" 

"Why do you ask?" 

"Isn't it dangerous? I mean, I've infiltrated Arasaka, twice. I owned the Afterlife. Not to toot my own horn, but I was pretty well known." 

"And that's why you're my doozy. I have to use your full potential. Must show the others that I can manage to recreate a human being." 

"The lab rat, then." 

"Don't look at it that way, you've been given a second chance." 

"Third," V muttered as he walked over to one of the terminals in the corner of the room. He reached out his hand and connected with it. The woman was watching him, _so he still knew how to update his own firmware, his memories seemed to be working fine. Good._

His eyes briefly lit up red as the updates ran through the processor. He hated it; in the five minutes it took to update everything, there was nothing he could do. Not move, hardly see anything, hardly hear anything. He expected to be knocked out again every second, but nothing happened. After exactly 3 minutes and 47 seconds, the update was finished. He turned to the woman and nodded to her. 

"Very nice. We're going to give you all your bodily functions now. The room here is locked, through the cameras we are watched by net and edgerunners. Outside the door is our best solo. Don't try anything stupid." 

"I know I don't have a chance. I won't try anything." 

"Smart." 

The woman walked up to him and reconnected him to the terminal. She entered a code, V felt a tremor shake through his entire body. He had almost forgotten how much chrome he was actually infused with. The Mantis Blades, his Kiroshi Optics, Fireproof Coating, the Subdermal Armor. Even his RAM had been expanded. It was all there and it was all up to date. He checked his Self-ICE and his Daemons. Contagion, Suicide, Synapse Burnout, Short Circuit. Everything there, everything functional. _Fuck_ , it was really like being in his own real body. He turned his hands and extended the Mantis Blades. One shone silver-red, as it should, but the other was covered in pure gold. Shining in the white light of the neon tubes above him, glistening, it was beautiful and dangerous. It reminded him of Kerry. He smiled briefly and opened his Holo. There it was, Kerry's face. He could see it, for the first time since he had woken up again. His heart began to race. Should he call him? The woman was here and her two guard dogs were ready to probably snap his neck right now. He couldn't risk it. 

"V?" 

"Yes?" 

"Are you ready?" 

V put his head back on his neck for a moment and closed his eyes. He nodded thoughtfully. 

"Yes, I'm ready." 

"Very good. The test begins now." 

Without further warning, one of the men fired at him. V just mnaged to dodge it. He had not been in a fight for so long that his reflexes had almost deserted him. He looked up, kneeling on the ground, put his hand to his temple, and within seconds hacked into the man's mainframe. The ICE upload took less than 2 seconds, Contagion uploaded, Short Circuit deployed. Both men were down within seconds. 

The woman clapped. She had heard about V's hacking skills being incredible, but this was more than impressive. He looked at her as he stood back up. 

"I'm impressed." 

V just nodded. He knew what he could do. Still, this all felt like he was just a test subject. Or worse, a weapon in testing. Who knows what Arasaka had really done to his brain. Maybe he was just as much a puppet as Oda had become. V looked around, his Mantis Blades slowly retreating again. All of a sudden, his HUD flashed on. A picture of Kerry appeared, then more and more. He tore open his eyes while reading headlines from his last performance. 

_Kerry_ _Eurodyne_ _\- breakdown in front of thousands of fans_

_What happened to Kerry_ _Eurodyne_ _? Rocker boy looks worse than ever_

_Kerry_ _Eurodyne_ _\- Is he addicted to drugs?_

_Exclusive report: Kerry_ _Eurodyne_ _\- traces of_ _synthcoke_ _found on his clothes_

V started sweating, mouth slightly open as he read one message after another in shock. The woman watched him. 

"V, is something wrong?" 

He didn't answer, taking a few steps back and leaning against the wall. His hands tightened. A photo of his fiancé lying on the floor, obviously fighting for his life, popped up. That was it, that was what V needed to completely freak out. 

The woman ran to the terminal, but V was faster. He jumped forward and pulled her to him by her coat, the golden Mantis Blade immediately extended, at her neck. 

"Don't move, or you can kiss your life goodbye," he said through gritted teeth. 

The woman held onto his arm, obviously terrified. She looked directly at the cameras in front of her, seeking help, but nothing happened. 

"Do you really think I was just hacking your people? Oh, you're a stupid, stupid girl," he whispered. "Aren't you, Michiko Arasaka?" 

Michiko's eyes snapped open. _How could that be, how had he found out? Had he scanned her? He'd only had full control of his body for a few minutes, how could he hack her so quickly?_ She had the latest Arasaka Defender in her mainframe, had her name encrypted. 

"Michiko, I'm not a Night City legend for nothing, do you think I haven't done my homework? I've been watching you, you and your men. You tied me up like a wild animal, but you of all people should know how dangerous it is to keep wild animals in captivity. You give me back my body, even upgrade it, make me a model specimen. What for? To impress Hanako? Do you think your aunt will accept you into the inner circle of the Arasaka heirs? Oh, sweetie. Hanako is just waiting for her brother to kick the bucket so she can take over herself. Your father, Kei, he had turned his back on the family, why did you crawl back? What is it that makes you so sick, Michiko? Why do you need the attention of people who don't care if you live or die?" 

Michiko had fear written all over her face. She had been so careful, changing her appearance, never revealing her name, even trying to adjust her facial expressions and gestures so V wouldn't recognize her. So that no one would recognize her. But what was now, for what price? Night City's most dangerous man had her in his clutches, his golden Mantis Blade, which she had given him, pressed against her delicate neck. Her own golden cybernetics were reflected in her captor's chrome. 

"We're going for a walk, Michiko. And if one of your men tries to shoot me, hack me, stab me, I don't care, you're dead. Are we clear?" 

Michiko nodded hesitantly. If there was one thing she didn't want, it was to die. Not yet, at least. She had been using V to further develop the "Save Your Soul" program, also to be able to use it for herself. But she wasn't done yet, the research still ongoing. Leaving life earlier would be disastrous for her and her work. 

V pushed her ahead of him. 

"Take off your fucking shoes," he grunted. He couldn't stand the clacking of her heels anymore. She kicked the shoes off her feet and was directly half a head shorter. V lowered his arms with her, still had a tight grip on her. She had to stand on tiptoe the way he held her. 

"Open the door." 

Michiko looked up at him, but V just forcefully turned her head and held her open eye against the retina scanner. The door opened with a soft 'whoosh'. No alarm, that was good. The two stepped out of the room. V immediately scanned his surroundings, there were no other Arasaka employees to be seen. So she had lied about the Solo outside the door. 

"Which way?" he asked, annoyed. 

"Which way where to?" 

"Out, of course." 

V paused. No, he didn't want to get out yet, he had things to do. 

"I changed my mind. My clothes, the clothes I was wearing when you kidnapped me. where are they?" 

"What are you talking about?" 

Michiko felt the blade slowly digging into her neck. A little blood slid down her throat. 

"My things, I said. The vest, my gun. Where?" 

V's patience was already at an end, but he would gain nothing with Michiko's death, he knew that. He had to keep her, as a victim or at least as a meat shield, should the going get tough. 

Still no alarm, strange. He had cut Michiko's connection to HQ when he had uploaded the ICE daemon, he thought of that. He just hadn't expected it to actually work. He crept down the hallway, his grip on her tight, blade still at her neck. 

"The things, Michiko," he growled. 

"Le-left. Up ahead." 

“Better not be fucking with me." 

"No, I'm not," she said, her voice shaking. 

V could sense that she was scared, and that was a good thing. He walked to the end of the hallway, scanning it several times a second. He didn't want to be taken by surprise. When he came to the T-junction, he stopped short, bent over and kept Michiko out of sight. He saw two men patrolling the right side. He was not designed for ranged combat, he had not taken the weapons of the idiots in the training room. 

"Which door on the left?" he whispered. "And if you scream for help, you're dead." 

"A few meters down, the third door from the right. That is the storage room. The stuff should be in there." 

Her voice was barely intelligible, but that was just as well. V looked around again, the two men had just turned their backs on him. He picked Michiko up, covered her mouth as a precaution and ran towards the storage room. He grabbed her head and held her open eye in front of the retina scanner before disappearing inside with her. He scanned everything, the boxes, the aisles, the ceilings and the floor. No one seemed to be here. Carefully, he set Michiko down and looked around. 

"Why don't you just kill me, V?" 

Her tone didn't sound cocky, but scared. She had bitten off more than she could chew and now she was slowly choking on it. 

"What good would that do me?" 

He scanned each box, glancing over and over at Michiko, who was leaning against a wall, rubbing her arms and watching him. Oh, she was scared, like a little fawn without her mother. 

"I don't know, a way out?" 

"I'll get it easier with you by my side. I have an heiress to Arasaka in my hands, do you think they'd just shoot me down?" He stopped short and eyed her. "Well, maybe they would. It's not like you're worth that much." 

Michiko turned her head away in shame. He was right, she knew that as well as he did. She was only here to reclaim her place in the pecking order. To outdo Hanako and Yorinobu. She watched as V plucked box after box from the shelves and searched through them. 

"Try..." she stammered, "Try in compartment G12, right behind you, a few meters to the left." 

He looked at her, skeptical, scanned her again, then the compartment. 

"No trick, really. Wait I..." she walked up to him and pulled out the box herself. "See." 

V eyed her. He had nothing against Michiko, nothing personal at least. She was calculating, pretty, and smart. A true daughter of Night City and Arasaka, a dangerous mixture of the two worst worlds this earth had to offer. She rummaged in the box and threw out some clothes. 

"Wait," V said, leaning towards her, "There." He took the leather vest and patted the dust off it. His delicate fingers slid over the seams, touching the rivets on the sleeves as if they were glass, fragile and beautiful. Shining in the neon light of the overhead tubes. He examined the back he had seen so many times before. The round mark where the samurai patch had once been. He adored that vest, how used it was, worn daily by the man he loved. How the leather slowly yellowed at the edges, fell off, broke. How the rivets were all attached by hand. He had to imagine Kerry spending evenings on his couch redecorating his vest, reinventing himself. Ripping off the patches to forget Samurai, to forget Johnny. To leave the shadows behind. 

V put it on. It was a little too tight for him, but he knew that, he didn't care. He took a deep breath. It had lost the smell of Kerry, only the coolness of Arasaka clung to it. He would change that, he would bring that vest back, as he had promised. 

Michiko watched him skeptically. V had become quiet, his thoughts were wandering. Maybe this was the right moment to run away. She straightened up again, but V grabbed her directly by the arm. 

"Forget it." 

Michiko just nodded. 

"I'm looking for my weapon, a Malorian Arms. Silver and gold, ornate." 

"Archangel." 

"You... know the weapon?" 

Michiko nodded again. 

"I know where it is." 

"And that's where?" 

"Hanako has it." 

V took a deep breath. He wouldn't leave here without Archangel, not ever. 

"Take me to her." 

"Are you insane?” 

“No. I want my gun back, that’s all. Now get going.” 

He pushed her in front of him, grabbed her from behind again and held the golden Mantis Blade to her neck. Instinctively, she grabbed his arm. He opened the door from the inside, no retina scanner needed, and looked back into the hallway. 

"Hanako's office. Where?" 

"On the 14th floor. The gun is in there. She should be there, too." 

"Let her know you're coming to see her." 

"She'll ask why." 

"Tell her V wants to talk to her. We know each other." 

"Had mentioned her. Will you unlock my holo?" 

"If you don't do anything stupid." 

"I won't. I'm assuming you'll slit my throat if I do." 

"Correct." 

V's eyes briefly lit up red. He loaded something up on her holo and unlocked it with it. 

"Please. Do it quickly, tell me the direction already." 

"Further down the hall. There's an elevator at the end, we can take it." 

"Then take care of Hanako now." 

Michiko took a deep breath and closed her eyes briefly before opening them again and they glowed blue. 

Hanako's image appeared in her HUD. 

"Michiko, what's wrong? I have to go to a meeting, I hope for your sake it's important." 

"We're on our way to you." 

"We? Who is we?" 

"V and I." 

Hanako stumbled for a moment. V pulled Michiko into the elevator with him and pressed 14 before letting her go. 

"V?" 

"He wants to talk to you. He said you two know each other." 

"Yeah, we know each other. I'm waiting for you two. The meeting has time." 

Michiko's eyes returned to their normal white color. V looked at her. 

"So?" 

"She's waiting. She seemed... not particularly surprised." 

"You didn't have to be either. You brought me back to life, this is all your fault." 

Michiko lowered her head and nodded. He was right, again. V watched the elevator numbers climb higher and higher. 

"How did you do that?" 

"What?" asked V, still tense. 

"No guards in the hallways, the cameras didn't respond to us." 

"I stole your access points when I loaded ICE into your mainframe. I decrypted your codes, hacked into the security system and entered them there. There was no high art behind it Michiko, just quick thinking." 

Michiko was impressed once again. She had underestimated V. He was just a Merc, she thought, strong but not smart. That now turned out to be a huge mistake. 

The elevator stopped and a loud 'ping' sounded as the number 14 appeared on the big screen. V immediately grabbed Michiko again and held the blade to her neck. She didn't resist a bit, not interested in losing her life here. They stepped out of the elevator and were immediately surrounded by 4 Arasaka bodyguards, weapons pointed at V. 

Michiko looked at them, but V remained surprisingly calm. 

"If you shoot, she's dead. Would you like to explain to Yorinobu why you killed his niece?" 

The men hesitated; they hadn't expected V's cockyness. Michiko swallowed, the Merc was more unaccountable than in her wildest imaginings. The first men unsheathed their weapons, when suddenly a voice echoed through the room. 

“残してください。” 

“Leave them.” 

The men moved off again. Hanako stood opposite them, at the end of the open hallway, directly in front of a window. She did not seem shocked to see her niece in the clutches of the merc. She walked into an office and whispered only a "Follow me." 

V and Michiko walked behind. Only when the door was closed behind them did he let go of the woman. Michiko didn't leave his side, however, prompting V to raise an eyebrow in interest. 

"V. It's been a long time." 

"Five years I've heard." 

"That's correct." 

Hanako sat down at her desk, crossed her legs and gestured with one hand to the two empty seats in front of her. Michiko and V sat down, neither taking their eyes off Hanako for a second. For some reason, it seemed that Michiko was not interested in being alone with her aunt. As if she was afraid of her. 

"What do you want V? Kill my niece? I don't care." 

Oh, so that was it. She was a thorn in Hanako's side, unworthy. Michiko wanted to prove herself to her, to her and to Yorinobu. 

"I want my weapon. And then I will go. I don't care what you two have to talk about here." 

Hanako raised an eyebrow. 

"You think you can come in here, tell me you want your gun, and then just walk out?" 

"I do. And you're going to give it to me and then let me go. Without further incident." 

"And why would I do that?" 

"Because otherwise the whole world will know who really killed your father." 

Michiko looked at him in shock. They hadn't gone through V's memories, they were too tangled, Altiera had coded them in cyberspace. It was as if she had sensed that Arasaka would burn their fingers on V. Hanako looked at him, then at Michiko. 

"You helped disguise it, Hanako. I know you did. We've been talking. You admitted it. I would be willing to release my memory data to the public. And everyone would see that it was your brother who killed your father." 

"Yorinobu?" 

Michiko looked at him, V however just nodded, eyes still on Hanako. She sighed. 

"Alright, V. You'll get your toy. And you may go. The only condition is that this secret never leaves this building." 

"Your secret is safe with me." 

Hanako stood up and walked to one of her dozens of closets. She opened it, took Archangel out of one of the drawers, came back and put it in V's hand. The latter stood up, tucked it into his waistband and bowed briefly. 

"Always a pleasure doing business with you." 

"Go. Now. And take this... thing with you." 

She waved her hand briefly in Michiko's direction. V took her by the arm and hurried out. He looked around briefly before turning to Michiko. 

"I'm certainly not going to just walk out of here. Michiko, you messed up, okay?" 

Michiko didn't understand, why was he being so nice to her? 

"You need to get out of here too. Stay with me in case things get serious. Once we leave the building you have to disappear. Do you have people you can rely on?" 

She nodded, still a little unsure why V was helping her. 

"Fine, follow me." 

He ran ahead and looked around before entering the elevator, Michiko right behind him. He pressed 1 and closed his eyes. 

"The alarm is going to go off, any minute now. Hanako won't let me go. Let me handle this okay? I'll clear the way." 

"Why are you doing this? Why are you helping me? You don't know anything about me, if I'm even in danger." 

"I know your aunt and her brother. I know Arasaka, through my eyes and through Johnny Silverhand's. I've seen what they do, how ruthless they are. You didn't touch my holo because you knew I had a partner looking for me. Michiko, you are a good person. I hate you for taking 5 years to get me back, for kidnapping me, for doing a lot of bad things in the board of Arasaka for sure. But I've also done a lot of bad things, and you can argue about whether I deserve another chance to live. In the end, Michiko, we both have the same goal. Do we both have a partner that we want to get back to. And right now, we both want to get out of here." 

At that moment, the elevator door opened. The emergency alarm sounded, V had been right. Hanako had let it be known, and getting out of here wasn't going to be a piece of cake. He pulled Archangel out of his pocket and counted the bullets. It was full, so 6 shots. Plus his Mantis Blades and the Daemons. He took a cigarette out of Kerry's vest. It was one of his, expensive, good quality. Probably even more carcinogenic than the synthetic ones, but unsurpassed in taste. He lit it and took a long drag. 

"This is going to be fun." 

He stepped out of the elevator and directly raised the arm that held the gun. The golden Mantis Blade in the left arm still extended. Michiko stopped at the elevator and could only watch in shock at what was unfolding before her. This was V. This was the V that so many had warned her about. 

The first shot hit the guard right between the eyes. No chance. V hacked his way into the mainframe of two other men coming toward him. He pinged them, a net forming in his optics. 2 Protected, 4 men in front of the exit, the two men in front of him a Sniper on the third floor. There were probably men outside as well. Fewer than expected. Still dangerous. He uploaded the ICE Daemon. Then Contagion. Synapse Burnout. Pang. Two men down. He kept running, his stride tense but sure. He didn't run, there was no need. 

He took the cigarette between his index finger and thumb and ashed over one of the corpses, his concentration on his surroundings alone. Until suddenly his HUD lit up. _Kerry. Fuck, Kerry was calling him._ Without thinking further, he accepted. And saw his face in the upper left corner. Kerry looked at the floor, he looked very beat up, wrapped in a white hospital sheet. 

"Hey V.. I messed up, I messed up..." 

"Ker." 

Kerry startled up. He looked directly at V, his expression full of shock. He had deep bags under his eyes, his cheek sunken. He looked, frankly, like shit. But it was Kerry, and he could see V. 

"V? V is that really you?" 

"It's me Ker and... fuck." 

He barely dodged a fist. He'd gotten distracted, he couldn't let that happen to him. Kerry jumped up, almost fell on his face, but caught himself. 

"Where are you?!" 

"Arasaka HQ. Listen Ker. Babe. This is a really bad time right now okay? I need to get out of here and-" 

V yelled out. _Fuck_! A bullet, he had taken a fucking bullet in the shoulder. He instinctively grabbed his arm and took a deep breath, Archangel still in his hand. 

"I put a hole in your vest," he heaved. 

"Fuck the vest. I'm coming to you, give me.... fuck I'm in Saint Ana. Give me 10 minutes, I'm coming." 

"No, Kerry, you-" 

He had hung up. No chance, Kerry would be coming. So V had to hurry and preferably get everything out of his way. The guy who shot him in the fucking arm was first. V raised his hand and aimed at him. The first shot missed, fuck, but the second one hit the mark. His breathing became tense, the wound in his shoulder hurt. Even his subdermal armor didn't help much with the projectiles Arasaka was throwing at him. 3 shots left, the exit in sight, but still at least 2 turrets and 3 more men in front of him. He needed a plan, ideally before a bullet was in his head. _We've been through this before, no need to repeat_. He kept walking, standing still was not an option. One of the men charged at him, V brought him to a halt with a quick hack, his optics burned out. Two shots in the chest, then he went down on his knees. Fuck, one more shot. Two men, two turrets. He looked around, one man only a few meters away from him. The exit right behind him. He had no choice, he had to run. Maybe he would manage to finish them off, but at the latest when he got within range of the turrets he would probably be swiss cheese. He took a deep breath before running and colliding with the man in front of him. He lashed out, the Mantis Blade piercing the neck of his victim. A gurgle escaped the man who was under V's clutches. Blood spurted into his face, he had caught the artery. The man fought back as best he could, but V held onto his shoulder with his right hand, Archangel still firmly in his grip, while with his left he bored the golden blade deeper into his throat, slowly twisting it, slowly tearing all blood vessels and muscles. With a deft kick to the rib cage, he knocked the man to the ground, jumped off him and pulled the blade from his neck, breaking his bones in the process. He'd gotten distracted, he couldn't let that happen to him again. He looked as if he had bathed in blood, but there was no time to rest, he had to get out. Immediately. He spotted Kerry's car on the street, the two of them separated only by the thick glass door. It was now or never. He ran, turrets and sniper trained on him. Kerry jumped out of his car, a white tank top, black pants and V's pink sneakers on. He ran toward him, not caring if he got in the line of fire himself. V stumbled through the door, out into the street toward Kerry's arms, before jerking to the ground. A scream escaped his lips. He was caught, in the back. A shot through the sniper. Kerry looked around, a squad of heavily armed Arasaka Goons heading their way. Without thinking, he ran to V, took the pistol from him, and stood protectively over him. His lover squealing on the floor, trying to suppress a scream. 

The men stopped immediately. A red dot shone on Kerry's forehead, either he didn't notice it or he didn't care. He was shaking, the side effects of the synthcoke still in his blood, adrenaline surging through his body, his bleeding fiancé beneath him. 

"Shoot me. Then you can have him. But I don't know if that would be so wise." 

He looked around, trying to hide his fear as best he could. He wasn't the type to point a gun at Corpos, that had always been Johnny's thing. But this wasn't about the evil superpowers, the underground, or a gang fight. It was about love, his fiancé. He took a deep breath, saw the press gathering along the road. 

"Ker," V stammered. 

"I'm going to get you out of here," Kerry whispered. It was a twisted world. Kerry was here to save V, not the other way around. 

The men around them still standing unmoved. 

“Leave them be.” 

Kerry turned around to look at whoever said that. It was Michiko. She stepped outside, seemingly unharmed. 

“Let them go. We have a deal.” 

The men dropped their weapons. Neither of them questioned her decision, neither of them knowing that she probably wouldn’t be part of the Arasaka board for much longer. 

“Thank you”, mouthed Kerry as he eagerly bent down towards V. He picked the young man up, placing his arm over his own shoulder, his hot red blood seeping through his white shirt. 

“Can you walk? Is it okay?” 

“Yeah... think so”. 

The adrenaline in V’s body was slowly wearing off, he felt how heavy his legs were. He retracted the Mantis Blade, leaning more onto Kerry who had a hard time carrying him to the car. Mishiko watched them, kneading her hands. 

Kerry carefully placed V onto the passenger's seat before getting in himself. He sped off, not looking back once, just wanting to get home. He probably shouldn’t drive at all, but this was more urgent. This was V, he was finally back home. He took his hand, tears building up. Tears of joy. 

_Fuck_. Finally. 

***

Consistent Style? Not me


	9. Home

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “The silence is killing me Ker.”   
> “I’ll play the song from the Yacht for you.”   
> “I love you.”   
> \- August 2077 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I recommend to listen to Kerry's Yacht song (Lofi Remix) while reading this:   
> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Gj5TUGD9ejg
> 
> This chapter is pure fluff. Just enjoy our to boys finally getting what they deserve <3

_ “The silence is killing me Ker.” _

_ “I’ll play the song from the Yacht for you.” _

_ “I love you.” _

_ \- August 2077 _

_ Thank god for the subdermal armor,  _ he thought while fishing out the bullet in V’s shoulder. The young merc had fallen asleep during their ride to North Oak. Kerry had contemplated about going to their shared apartment but he figured it would be safer out of the City, behind the thick walls and robot security of his mansion. 

Getting V inside had been a whole ‘ nother issue. He  didn’t wake up when Kerry shook him, panic creeping up his spine. But he was breathing, is pulse was steady. He was just exhausted, two bullet wounds in his body, held captive by  Arasakas for god knows how long. He ordered one of his robot guards over. Not that it was of significant help, but he could fling one of V’s arms around it and at least get him to the front door. The rest was a hassle though. V, albeit being a slander man, was heavy. All the chrome inside him making him weigh 300 pounds, not literally but it surely felt like it. His blood had stopped seeping through, still, V and Kerry both bore a crimson red. He hated seeing his fiancé this vulnerable. Had to patch him up more times than he liked. He briefly shook his head,  heaving as he dragged the limp body up the stairs. He wanted him to lay in bed, not on one of  the  couche s but damn, if it wasn’t exhausting. Kerry just came out of the ho spital, recovering f rom what seemed to be  an ove rdose. It luckily wasn’t as severe as initially thought, but his syste m was nonetheless fucked up. He had to stop for a second, gasping for air. His nose burned from the  Synthcoke , his head spun. The adrenaline wearing off. Fuck he needed to get V into bed  _ fast. _ He took a deep breath before dragging him further, finally laying him down on the white sheets in front of the big ass windows. 

And so he was sitting here, searching for the bullet in V’s shoulder.  _ Thank god for the Subdermal Armor,  _ he thought again while holding the  nearly intact clump of lead between his fingers. V had  definitely a habit of catching bullets with his body and Kerry hated it with a passion. He had rid him of his vest and white hospital shirt beforehand, both laying on the floor. Kerry had loved that vest, but he  couldn’t give a flying  fuck about the hole in it, or the blood that stained it, making it look even more black than it already was. It  wasn’t the first time it was sprouted with the crimson of someone he dearly loved. He certainly had hoped it  wouldn’t happen again, but if it just meant to have his love back, he would gladly take the horrendous stains carved in it. He put the bullet aside, putting cream on his shoulder. He was thankful V was asleep, this way he  wouldn’t feel the pain from extracting the lead. He carefully caressed his cheek, feeling the  stubble under his dull fingernails, his  callused fingertips scratching against his skin. He  couldn’t believe it for a second. V was  really here , with him, a sight he honestly had nearly given up all hope on. He traced his cybernetics, hot wires under his skin, piercing into his fingers.  _ Alive _ . V was alive and in their bed. He shook his head, he needed to take care of him, not get lost in his features he could  observe all day. He wrapped some bandages over his shoulder before carefully turning him on his stomach. The sniper had pierced his back, thankfully just at the side of his ribs. It had hurt a lot though, assuming from the  gut wrenching scream. A tremor run through Kerry, making him shake in the process. He had never actually been with V when he got hurt, so seeing him getting shot down, bleeding, screaming, falling to the floor... he knew he  couldn’t take seeing this a second time. 

He needed to protect V from now on, protect him from everything, even himself so metimes.  _ Ma _ _ ybe, just _ _ maybe, _ he thought to himself,  _ V needed him as much as he needed V _ . 

He eyed his sleeping lover again, stroking his back, his fingers tracing the tattoo he had seen so many times already but not enough yet. Kerry  hadn’t been looking for love and V  hadn’t been looking for help, but they both found each other in their darkest times, giving them exactly what they needed, even if they  didn’t know themselves. V drove his shadows away, now it was time to return the favor. 

He  disinfected V’s wound at the side of his rib cage and dug out the bullet, again thanking for all the chrome he had installed in his body. The bullet was intact, meaning he  didn’t need to cut the wound open any further, getting shrapnel out or something. It  wasn’t like he  wouldn’t do it for his love, he just felt his own exhaustion washing over him. He needed to clean the wound and wrap it  fast, before he too fell asleep. He lay everything aside, grabbing the  disinfectant once again, working his way around and inside the bullet hole. He was no ripper, that was for sure, but cleaning a shot wound  wasn’t anything new to him. Sadly. He placed a pressure bandage on and wrapped it all cleanly. He rolled him over on his back, placing a ton of cushions under his legs and head to keep him warm and steady. V just lay there. Breathing. Sleeping.  _ Living.  _

Kerry  didn’t want to leave his side, afraid to come back to an empty bed, afraid that everything was just a nightmare, and he would wake up in the hospital. But he needed to go to the bathroom, wash the blood off,  maybe take a  piss , before he could rest easy. He stroked the young mercs silver hair once more, before standing up with a grunt. He walked to the bathroom, looking back every second, making sure he was still sleeping in their bed. When he entered the room, it was a bit damp, the scent of cherry blossom and orange lingering in the air. He took a deep breath and closed his eyes. He was feeling dizzy, overworked. Last night had strained him, the day today even more. His body  couldn’t take being in a vertical position much longer. He got out of his clothes, throwing them near the laundry bin before stepping in the shower. With a flicker of his eyes the hot water started pouring down on him, massaging his neck, his muscles tense from years of work. Years of waiting. Years of Loneliness. The blood washed down on him, leaving trails of pink and red along his abdomen. He  wasn’t sure if he was happy or distraught, that it  wasn’t his own blood. He  wouldn’t mind either way, just the fact that it was  _ V’s _ __ made him feel uneasy. On the other hand, having V’s blood on himself meant that his fiancé was indeed with him and very much alive. Kerry clanged to anything at all that would make him feel sure V was back home, even if it  was his blood flowing down his stomach, his legs, mixing with the water on the black marble floor, washing down the drain. The hot water dropped from his hair onto his chest, entangling in the necklace V gave him, dropping from the bullet to the floor. Kerry wanted to shower fast, needed to see V again. His body though had other plans, swift motions out of order right now. He leaned his forehead against the cold marble and closed his eyes, a  much needed rest. Even showering became too exhausting in his condition. He grunted briefly, before opening his eyes again, grabbing the shampoo and washing his hair and body.  _ Just a few minutes and Kerry, you got this. _ He got dizzy  again but fought it with all his might. He threw the bottle to the floor, startling himself for a second as how loud the bang of it was. He hoped he  hadn’t woken V. He stepped out the shower, dried himself as much as possible before he became too nauseous and put on a pair of boxers. 

He turned on the water in the sink, held his hands under it, cupping them. They filled with  water, flowing over as Kerry drifted away in thoughts again. He  observed the glistening surface of it, how it engulfed his fingers, shining under the neon light, before coming back to his senses. He lifted his hands carefully to his mouth and drank, feeling the cold in his throat, cooling him down from inside out. Some drops escaped the corners of his mouth, paved their way through his stubbles down his jaw, streamed down his neck and got caught in the edges of his cybernetics, where gold met skin. He closed his eyes, overwhelmed by such a simple sensation. He was thirsty, he  hadn’t even realized how much. Thirsty for water, for warmth. Love. He opened his eyes again, looking at himself in the mirror as he shook his hands dry. He looked like  shit and he knew it. No make-up, just bare skin, he himself exposed without covers. No need to hide though, as the only one who could see him this naked was his fiancé. The one, he thought, that got away, but came back to him, defying all odds. Now it was Kerry’s time to defy the odds, clear the way for a future that included them both, build a home, open his heart. 

He deactivated the mirror, went out the bathroom and closed the door behind him. His feet felt heavy as he walked back to the bedroom where V was still lying unmoved. Still breathing. Still sleeping.  _ Still living. _ Kerry pulled away the sheets and lay down next to him. Nothing separated them anymore. He cuddled up to V, his skin burning hot, still had a bit of dried blood on hit. Kerry  didn’t care.  Didn’t care, that he  wasn’t awake.  Didn’t care that he smelled like a pharmacy, like chrome and gunpowder, like bloodied iron.  Didn’t care that he was sweaty,  didn’t care that he  wasn’t looking at him, hearing him, answering his silent cry. He watched V’s chest rise and fall in a steady motion, laying a hand on his pecks, feeling the skin, feeling the  _ heartbeat _ . Making himself sure  again and again that this  wasn’t a dream, that this  wasn’t going to end as soon as he closed his eyes. 

And even though Kerry tried, he tried  really hard , to stay awake, his own exhaustion got the better of him. He drifted away, cuddled against the love of his life, his hand never moving from his chest. He was back home and that was all that mattered. 

***

V woke up a few hours later. It was dark outside, like  really dark , only the slight neon light of the city bathing the upper floor of Kerry’s mansion in a mixture of dirty pink and green. It was silent, no beeping, no clacking of shoes. No buzzing of constantly moving security cameras that  monitored him. The only sound he heard was Kerry, happily snoring away. He felt the older  man's hand on his chest. He carefully took it, intertwining their fingers. He was back home, his stomach full of butterflies just feeling the man. He had been so afraid that Kerry might have moved on, but he  didn’t . He was here, with him, holding him. V vaguely remembered how Kerry jumped out of his car and ran towards him, grabbing his gun while anxiously defending him from  Arasaka . If V  hadn’t been in so much  pain, he  would’ve been the proudest man on earth. He would tell Kerry when he woke up. 

V stroked Kerry’s hair. It was so good to feel him again, see him, smell him. He had missed him so much, even though he spent most of the last 5 years locked away on a chip. Even if  Arasaka would have stripped him of all his memories, he  knew for a fact , that  he’d still remember Kerry. The  rockerboy had, quite literally, rocked his world in a way nobody had done before, something that one  couldn’t ever forget. He lightly kissed his temple, earning a soft moan from the older man. V  couldn’t hold back a smile, the corner of his lips perking up. 

God, he  couldn’t put into words  _ how much _ he had missed this. Missed the freckles in his face, that were scattered like the stars in the night sky, missed his blue eyes that shone brighter than the full moon, missed the gold that was worth more than a million  well-meant words could buy, missed the  callused fingers that played the most beautiful melodies just for him.  _ Missed Kerry.  _

He very carefully placed his left arm under Kerry’s head and lifted him onto his chest gently. His shoulder hurt but he  didn’t care, nothing compared to the feeling of skin on skin in this moment. His right hand still holding Kerry’s, his left hand running through his hair. It had gotten longer he noted, he liked it either way. He stroked the tip of his ear, his golden hand following the lines of his cybernetics which flowed into the wrinkles of his eyes. He always loved looking at Kerry, to him he was the most handsome person in the world, the most beautiful thing he had laid his eyes on. But he had never looked at him the way he did now. It was like he was trying to burn the image into his eyes, to memorize every little detail about the man. The way his nose twitched slightly while he dreamed, how is lips were parted oh so slightly, a little drool building up in the corners of his mouth. How his eyes were relaxed, yet his eyebrows tense whenever something made a sound. The little wrinkles on his forehead reminding him that Kerry was, indeed, old, but still so full of life. The crowfeet on his eyes, a proof that the man loved to laugh. How his beard was like pepper and salt, white hair poking through the black, an indicator that he had lived a full live already. And  maybe now was ready to start a new one. With him. 

He closed his eyes, slowly dozing off while lazily stroking Kerry’s back with his fingertips. If he could freeze this moment in time, he would. He felt a slight vibration under him and opened his eyes again. Kerry was humming  silently, V recognized the melody instantly. He smiled fondly and blinked a few times, looking down at Kerry. 

“Hey my love ”, he whispered while swirling one of Kerry’s locks between his fingers.

Kerry cuddled closer to him, his right arm pushing under V while he freed his left from the grip of the younger man to hug him tightly. A sob escaped Kerry’s lips. He turned on his back, pulling V with him, hugging him so tight that V felt like he  couldn’t breathe for a second. He lay on Kerry’s chest, burying his cheek into his skin, tears building up as a quite  whimper formed. Kerry caressed his naked back, pressing him further into him, burying his nose in V’s hair. 

“I got you”. 

Tears streaming down his face as he closed his eyes, quiet sobs echoing through the empty halls in unison with the man wrapped in his arms. Neither of them willing to let go ever again. 

“V. How...”

That was all Kerry could manage to say, his voice breaking into another stifled sob as he buried his face deeper in his lovers soft, silver hair. 

“It’s... it’s a long story, Ker.”

“Tell me. I have time. For you, forever.”

And  so V started talking. Talking about the job this Mr. Blue Eyes had given him. He was contracted to infiltrate Crystal Palace to steal a cache from one of the casinos  located inside the orbital station. He had been afraid to death, telling his client that he had nothing to lose, when, on the contrary, he had  _ everything  _ to lose. He got the cache and got back to his shuttle leaving Crystal Palace in shambles. He contacted Kerry  immediately after the  heist, but his call  didn’t go  through , leaving him worried. 

Kerry knitted his eyebrows at this information. He had V on “Important Caller” every time of the day, his call  _ had _ to go through. V flattened his concerned lines on his forehead with his thumb, kissing him gently, reassuring that it  didn’t matter anymore why it  hadn’t worked as he was here now. Kerry just smiled, leaning into his touch, nodding for V to go on. 

From there on V’s story was full of holes. He recalled that he got back to earth, but he  didn’t know how and when exactly. That he was in his apartment. Mr. Blue Eyes had told him that he needed to  reside there for a while to acclimatize from his trip to space. V had been confused about all of this, he  didn’t understand why he  couldn’t just go back to Kerry. Then again, he  didn’t know if these people might hurt Kerry if he did, so he waited. And he waited and waited, his life getting more miserable by the day. He remembered fractions of the calls and messages he exchanged with Kerry but not all of it. Not even half of it. He remembered getting nauseous in the mornings, coughing up and  puking blood. How his head hurt, pounded. He felt like the last days before  Mikoshi , when he had decided to stop Vik’s treatment. 

Kerry bit his lip as he listened to V, nearly drawing blood if the younger man  hadn’t stopped him. V had been dying not even miles away from Kerry and he  didn’t even know. He felt so god  damn guilty, but V assured him that he did everything right, that there had been no way in hell that either of them  could’ve known. 

He told Kerry how  Arasaka experimented on him, that they used the  shard in his head to switch him between bodies and brains. That he had died countless times on the operating table. It took them 5 years and  nearly a hundred brains to finally figure out how to revive him. Not that they wanted to revive  _ him  _ _ in particular _ but he was the best test case, as Michiko  stated it. He told him how they tested him the last few days, gave him this synthetic body, a new brain from a dead person. All the new chrome that was  actually his old  one. Kerry’s facial expressions switching between shock, pity,  anger and sadness with every word that escaped V’s lips. 

“You know, Ker ”, he said, his voice more a whisper than actual sound. “Am I... am I really me?”

Kerry looked down at him, V’s chin plopped up on the older man's chest, burying deep into his muscle as their eyes met. 

“ Of course you’re you babe ”, he said affirmatively while stroking a lose lock from V’s face. 

“But my psyche... it is just this chip. And my body is just synthetic.  There’s nothing  real here , I might as well be a glorified android.”

“Well... are your feelings real?”

“I love you. With all my heart.” V  didn’t hesitate one second to answer Kerry, seeing how he afraid he looked. 

“If  that’s true, V. Than you are yourself. We are nothing, but our feelings and memories. And  as long as you have them you are you, V. And I love you.”

V closed his eyes, burying his face in his chest. He was broken, he was fragile, he needed Kerry now. As much as Kerry needed him. The  musicians eyes lit up briefly, before music started playing through the speakers above them. It  wasn’t loud, just enough to fill the mansion with a feeling of home and comfort. 

“What is that?” mumbled V into the older  man's chest.

“The song from the Yacht. I played it on piano, I thought you might like it.”

“I love it ”, he said tenderly. 

“It’s your song.” 

He held V until he fell asleep again. Kerry  didn’t understand everything the merc had told him, but he  didn’t need to. The only thing that mattered was that he was back home, in his arms. 5 long years he waited for this  moment, his hope slimmed but it never faded completely. He leaned his chin on the younger man's head, caressing his back lovingly, catching their reflection in the window, melting with the rays of the rising sun in a warm, soothing orange. He would never stop holding V ever again. Never would say no when he asked to play their song. Never let him go alone ever again. He listened to the piano playing as he closed his eyes, breathing in the scent of the  long lost lover in his arms. This right here, this was where they belonged. 

Home. 

***

**Author's Note:**

> If you're coming from Kintsugi then thank you so, so much for all your awesome comments, the kudos and that you read the story! I am so glad I started this account-
> 
> Find Kintsugi here: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29686098


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